Some people think that purpose of museums should be to attract and entertain young people. Others believe that the purpose of a museum is to educate, not entertain. Disuss both view and give opinion

#people #purpose #museums #museum #disuss

Few

persons

Replace the word

people

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believe that

musems

Correct your spelling

museums

are

build

Wrong verb form

built

show examples

to attract and to

entertaine

Correct your spelling

entertain

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngsters.

Whereas

, few

thinks

Change the verb form

think

show examples

that it was built to educate the young ones rather not entertain them and

Change the capitalization

show examples

agree with that second opinion. At present ,

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

are not so interested in visiting museums and

therefore

we need to make it more

fascinting

Correct your spelling

fascinating

This

is because of the

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

lessons that could be taught by our

history

and

also

to remember the errors which we have

did

Verb problem

made

show examples

in our past.

Therefore

,we the society ,teachers and education should impose our

history

on students in a more interesting way.

For example

,we can make a movie about our independence and telecast

them

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

for our students.By doing so,we can show the hurdles and injuries faced by our ancestors.

As a result

,the students will get

Change the article

show examples

urge to see the evidence and remains of their

indepenence

Correct your spelling

independence

museum

Add an article

the museum

a museum

show examples

Consequently

,they will be attracted and fascinated by our museums.

However

, rather than educating them we cannot make the

museum

into an entertainment centre.

Eventhough

Correct your spelling

Even

Correct word choice

though it

show examples

could captivate the young people, it could

also

destroy the whole concept of teaching

history

For instance

, museums

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

like a treasure, to those who seek knowledge

Change preposition

show examples

history

Moreover

, making it into an entertainment centre can nullify the dignity and pride of our

history

Due to

that,we should make it more appealing and engaging rather than entertaining. In my opinion ,teaching is the main objective of

Add an article

the

show examples

museum

To conclude

,we should not convert the

museum

into an exhibition to buy things.I believe

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the main

purpouse

Correct your spelling

purpose

museum

Add an article

the museum

show examples

is to teach.

Submitted by insighttribez on Fri Oct 06 2023

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

249 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that purpose of museums should be to attract and entertain young people. Others believe that the purpose of a museum is to educate, not entertain. Disuss both view and give opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the past, most people lived in the small village where everyone knew every else. Nowadays, most people live in the large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

Parents should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well anbd give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount that people can earn.