IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

#people #entertainers #impact #society #money #effects
Few people are of the opinion that artists are being offered
hefty
Add an article
a hefty
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money,and they
also
 believe that
such
 performers spread negativity in the surroundings ,
while
 others
exacly
Correct your spelling
exactly
 hold
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
show examples
 view
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them and think they are giving positive messages through their acts . I ,
however
 , think that entertainers are
mode
Correct article usage
a mode
show examples
 of spreading positive messages .
This
 essay highlights each point in the following passages . Entertainers like stand-up comedians not only make
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 laugh with their jokes but
also
 take into consideration the social evils through their acts which
otherwise
 are not spoken publicly .
For Example
 , a famous comedian Trevor Noah,who makes people laugh
due to
 his
mimicary
Correct your spelling
mimicry
 of various accents but
also
 keeps on raising the issue of colour
discrimation
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 of Africans in the the USA. He came into
lime light
Correct your spelling
limelight
show examples
 when he jokingly triggered the sensitive matter in the auditorium of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New York in the year 2022. and was vividly supported
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 oppressed Africans all over the the USA.
As a result
 ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 started to take stringent actions against the convicts.
However
 ,certain celebrities
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
often
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 themselves guilty of taking liberty of their status and purposely
hurt
Wrong verb form
hurting
show examples
 certain segments of society .
Manuwar
Correct your spelling
Manowar
 Farooqi ,a famous comedian in India ,deliberately made remarks on the religious segments of one community .
As a consequence
 ,riots emerged in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 parts of the country .
Hence
 ,in order to maintain the decorum of the society future shows of the concerned person were cancelled and he was sent to jail for a period of six months too. Had he utilized his position well ,he would not have faced severe outcomes . In my opinion ,
aritists
Correct your spelling
artists
 need to
be flourished
Wrong verb form
flourish
show examples
 because in future they become
voice
Add an article
the voice
a voice
show examples
 of the nation . And as far as money is concerned ,they must be paid for their hard work.
On the contrary
 ,organisers must have a serious look into the content they are going to represent in order to avoid problems. To summarize , artists are the heart and soul of a country and need to provide
conducive
Add an article
a conducive
show examples
 environment to grow ,be it in any facility or the amount they deserve for their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
Submitted by lkapila25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: