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Writing Samples
Band 6

7.The line graph shows the percentage of different age groups of cinema visitors in a particular country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

7.The line graph shows the percentage of different age groups of cinema visitors in a particular country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#line #percentage #age #groups #cinema #visitors #country #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart below displays the
proportion
 of different
age
 ranges who visited the cinema in a specific nation between 1978 and 2008.
Overall
, individuals in
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group 14 to 24 dropped slightly.
While
people
 more than 50
years
 old increased significantly and an obvious fall in the
proportion
 of all ranges can be
watched
Verb problem
seen
show examples
 in 1988. In 1999 all
age
 ranges faced a decline,
people
 from 14-25 decreased modestly by 15%
while
 the other
age
 groups went down by 20%. During 1978, only
two fifths
Add a hyphen
two-fifths
show examples
 of
people
 belonging to
50+
Correct article usage
the 50+
show examples
age
 group went to the theatre, in the next decade it faced a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 plunge and peaked at half, but
then
 experienced a rise, which in 1998 returned to 40%. For the next five
years
 the
proportion
 remained stable and
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
five
years
 it grew around 10%. Individuals
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 range between 14 and 24 had the highest percentage of
people
 who went to the cinema, starting the period with 90%, but in 1988, a decline of approximately a quarter happened. Afterwards, it rapidly climbed back to 90% and remained stable until 2003. In the
last
 5
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the
proportion
 went down again by nearly 10%, ending the period with around 81%, maintaining to be the group which visits the cinema the most.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, age, people, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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