IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. what are the causes of this continued rise? do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world #population #humanity #time
In some countries, the rapid growth of the
population
 represents an important social issue that governments are trying to adjust. There are many causes of
this
 ascent which going to be argued in
this
 essay,
however
, I do not believe that the surge in the amount of
population
 depicts
one
 of the greatest problems of humanity. The primary reason for
this
 continued rise, I assume is connected to the boost in life expectancy. In European countries,
this
 advancement is dated many years ago,
while
 in other countries,
such
 as India and China
this
 has happened more recently.
Hence
, in China from 1979 until 2013 there was the only-child policy, which was established because of the extreme increment in the
population
. In my country which is Italy,
although
, the problem is inversed since the government is trying to stimulate the birthrate with subsidies to families with more than
one
 child.
Furthermore
, the progress in life expectancy in turn is caused by the persisting technological development in many fields, that has been registered in the latest century.
Firstly
, medical and scientific improvements,
for instance
, biomedical robots, allow saving the lives of patients affected by terminal diseases
such
 as cancer.
Secondly
, the advances in the agricultural sector permit
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
farmworkers
are nowadays
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 replaced by "agribots", which guarantees better occupational safety.
To conclude
, taking all the points into consideration, I believe that the upswing in the world's
population
 is not
one
 of the most considerable quandaries that humankind is facing. Indeed, I feel that a more crucial topic is all the wars that are taking place around the world, from the
one
 between Russia and Ukraine to the Taliban's regime in Iran.
Submitted by valeria.pomante on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve your task response by providing a more balanced argument and addressing all aspects of the topic. Consider discussing the potential consequences of the continued rise in population. Additionally, ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly reflect your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Work on maintaining a clear logical structure in your essay. Consider using transitions to connect your ideas and ensure that each paragraph logically progresses to the next. Your introduction and conclusion should also provide a clear overview of the main points you will discuss.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: