people tend to believe that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work for the good of the community. Do you agree or disagree?

It is recommended that all
teenagers
who
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
high school should spend time
to start
Change the verb form
starting
show examples
university life volunteering
jobs
to help society. In my point of view, I partly agree with
this
statement. On the one hand, undertaking a period of unpaid
work
brings a lot of
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
show examples
to young adults. It will give them more opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their orientation,
contain
Correct word choice
and contain
show examples
more knowledge and experience
jobs
Change preposition
in jobs
show examples
in order to choose the best career.
Firstly
,
teenagers
can learn numerous useful
skills
such
as presentation, communication and socialization. Undertaking a period of unpaid
work
not only
gain
Verb problem
gives
show examples
them more knowledge but
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them to orient their future.
For instance
, many freshmen decide to
work
part-time
jobs
or
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
Add an article
a tutor
show examples
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
to teach primary students so that they can improve
teaching
Correct pronoun usage
their teaching
show examples
skills
,
leading
Replace the word
leadership
show examples
skills
and curriculum design.
Secondly
, graduated students should try a few
jobs
so that they can find out
the
Change the word
their
show examples
potential talents. When
teenagers
can figure out their
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
, they will improve those
skills
, which
dedicate
Wrong verb form
are dedicated
show examples
to
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
and help contribute to society.
On the other hand
, working without
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
may make
teenagers
'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
harder, especially for freshmen because they have to pay a lot of
fee
Change to a plural noun
fees
show examples
such
as tuition, healthcare
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
and daily necessities.
As a result
,
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
will lead to default on debts.
Moreover
, young adults will not have any motivation to go on working if the
manger
Correct your spelling
manager
show examples
doesn't pay
salary
Correct pronoun usage
their salary
show examples
for them.
Teenagers
can not have
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
of responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
jobs
because they recognize that all their dedication doesn't
receive
Verb problem
mean
show examples
anything.
For example
, in Germany, workers called
strike
Fix the agreement mistake
strikes
show examples
for salary because the employer didn't pay wages for them. In conclusion,
youngers
Correct your spelling
young people
show examples
may learn a lot of helpful
skills
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
volunteering
work
;
howerver
Correct your spelling
however
, they still need to receive money because their
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
can not afford to pay
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
the
neccesities
Correct your spelling
necessities
.
Submitted by nguyendiepchi0912 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: