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Band 4

people tend to believe that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work for the good of the community. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #adults #period #work #community
It is recommended that all
teenagers
 who
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
 high school should spend time
to start
Change the verb form
starting
show examples
 university life volunteering
jobs
 to help society. In my point of view, I partly agree with
this
 statement. On the one hand, undertaking a period of unpaid
work
 brings a lot of
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
show examples
 to young adults. It will give them more opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their orientation,
contain
Correct word choice
and contain
show examples
 more knowledge and experience
jobs
Change preposition
in jobs
show examples
 in order to choose the best career.
Firstly
,
teenagers
 can learn numerous useful
skills
such
 as presentation, communication and socialization. Undertaking a period of unpaid
work
 not only
gain
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 them more knowledge but
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to orient their future.
For instance
, many freshmen decide to
work
 part-time
jobs
 or
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
Add an article
a tutor
show examples
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 to teach primary students so that they can improve
teaching
Correct pronoun usage
their teaching
show examples
skills
,
leading
Replace the word
leadership
show examples
skills
 and curriculum design.
Secondly
, graduated students should try a few
jobs
 so that they can find out
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 potential talents. When
teenagers
 can figure out their
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
, they will improve those
skills
, which
dedicate
Wrong verb form
are dedicated
show examples
 to
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 and help contribute to society.
On the other hand
, working without
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 may make
teenagers
'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 harder, especially for freshmen because they have to pay a lot of
fee
Change to a plural noun
fees
show examples
such
 as tuition, healthcare
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 and daily necessities.
As a result
,
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 will lead to default on debts.
Moreover
, young adults will not have any motivation to go on working if the
manger
Correct your spelling
manager
show examples
 doesn't pay
salary
Correct pronoun usage
their salary
show examples
 for them.
Teenagers
 can not have
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
jobs
 because they recognize that all their dedication doesn't
receive
Verb problem
mean
show examples
 anything.
For example
, in Germany, workers called
strike
Fix the agreement mistake
strikes
show examples
 for salary because the employer didn't pay wages for them. In conclusion,
youngers
Correct your spelling
young people
show examples
 may learn a lot of helpful
skills
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
 volunteering
work
;
howerver
Correct your spelling
however
, they still need to receive money because their
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 can not afford to pay
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
 the
neccesities
Correct your spelling
necessities
.
Submitted by nguyendiepchi0912 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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