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Writing Samples
Band 7

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
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The line graphs illustrate the changes in the average monthly expenditure on
children
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's physical activities by British parents and the quantities of
children
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 joining in football, athletics, and swimming in the UK from 2008 to 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the statistics for parents' spending on
children
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's sports increased over the period shown. In terms of the
number
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 of
children
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 taking part in three sports, it rose between 2008 and 2014. It is clear from the graph that the total
number
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 of
children
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 who participated in football was considerably higher compared with other activities. The figure for spending on sports grew steadily from 20 pounds in 2008 to more than 30 pounds in 2014. Looking at participation numbers, the population of youth joining football stood at 8
million
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 in 2008,
then
Linking Words
 rose gradually to over 9
million
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 in 2014.
Next,
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the
number
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 of
children
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 who participated in athletics stayed unchanged between 2008 and 2010, at 1.5
million
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.
Subsequently
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, it witnessed significant growth between 2010 and 2014, from around 1.5
million
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 to over 5
million
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.
Finally
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, in aquatic activity, the
number
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 of young people who took part increased moderately, from about 2
million
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 to more than 3.5
million
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 over the period given.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words children, number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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