IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In general, people do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past. Why is this so, and what can be done to improve contact between neighbours?

#people #close #relationship #neighbours #contact
The improved technology these days
invent
Correct subject-verb agreement
invents
show examples
 efficient sources for
people
 to interact with one another,
effortlessly
Correct word choice
and effortlessly
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bond. It is claimed that a close
relationship
 between
people
 in the same community becomes rare when compared to that in the past. Personally, advanced communication alters the means of human interaction. Organising a campaign or activity for the community would encourage
people
 to take part;
this
 could help enhance their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 among
people
 in the neighbourhood. To start with, prior to advanced technology, staying in a
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
relationship
 has become more convenient and practicable. In any kind of
relationship
,
people
 (neighbours included) do not need to pay a high cost to travel to see one another, it is more convenient nowadays. Even though there are various ways to reach others easily, most
people
 overlook them.
For instance
, thinking that texting a distant friend could be done at all times,
people
 take it later, resulting in becoming a stranger to an old neighbour.
Therefore
, some productive activity should be organised in order to bring
people
 in the local area to meet and socialise.
This
 could work well in any community as a number of
people
 are essential to reach the goal. Once
people
 come and join in, communication and interaction between them occur, which they could realise later that a
relationship
also
 needs personal contact. In conclusion, despite relying on modern communication technology,
people
 in the neighbourhood could become more distant when compared to
this
 in the past. They would take it for granted as they choose an easier means to communicate without realising that a close
relationship
 needs human interaction. To improve
this
,
people
 in the neighbourhood could use some special event where they all can join to create bonding, leading to a close
relationship
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay adheres to a clear and logical structure throughout.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support the points made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: