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Band 6

Some people think that museum should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museum is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #museum #places #purpose
A
museum
 is considered a palace of art, science, culture and history. Many argue that a
museum
 is supposed to be entertaining enough to attract visitors,
while
 others think it is a public institution solely for educational purposes.
This
 essay below will discuss both views
along with
 my opinion. It’s completely understandable that a considerable amount of people are fond of an entertaining
museum
 because it caters to their needs of leisure and curiosity, especially for
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 and families with children, who would see a
museum
 as “an amusement park” with
cultural
Correct article usage
a cultural
show examples
 atmosphere.
In addition
, the more appealing museums a city has, the more visitors it can attract, which is likely to boost local businesses and promote the city’s image. Turning to the aims of education, museums teach us about the profound history and abstract science in probably the best way human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 came out of. With those tangible sets and artefacts on display, people can fully immerse themselves in the informative environment
around
Correct pronoun usage
around them
show examples
, not only to learn knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 to feel
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
For instance
, many primary schools in Beijing have found that the most efficient way for students to learn Chinese history is to take a trip to the Palace
Museum
,
as
Rephrase
also
show examples
 known as the Forbidden City. In my opinion, these two views above are not mutually exclusive. An ideal
museum
 can serve dual purposes, both entertainingly and educationally.
Hence
, it should be our shared goal to make museums a better
reconcilement
Replace the word
reconciliation
show examples
 of acquiring knowledge and having fun.
Submitted by 1149274467 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the given topic. Both views are thoroughly discussed, and your opinion is clearly stated and justified. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with a well-developed introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph is coherent and linked to the previous one, providing a smooth flow of ideas. Consider using more cohesive devices to further enhance coherence.
lexical resource
You have used a wide range of vocabulary, including some less common and idiomatic expressions, which is great. However, be cautious of repetitive language use and consider incorporating more varied sentence structures for added lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your essay showcases a strong command of grammar, with accurate and varied use of complex structures. Keep it up!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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