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Band 4

Children should always follow their parents’ advice . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#children #parents’ #advice
Parents
 are the most important
people
 in
children
’s lives. They spend a lot of time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
protecting their family and
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 social skills to their
children
, but
this
 is not an easy job because the
children
 want to have different experiences
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some of them are safe and others are dangerous. That’s why
parents
 must take care of them. Humans need to have some rules for living and
people
 must obey these regulations. They are taught many things about what they must do or not
Add a missing verb
do
show examples
since they are
children
. Education always starts in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 and
parents
 are the most important
people
 to teach the rules to
children
 because they are the first
people
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
a child can
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
 with. Nowadays
people
 live in a digital world. In
this
 world, everything can be dangerous.
Therefore
, if humans do not know about the risks of virtual life, they will be in trouble because
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
 world does not have any rules.
As a result
, it is very risky for
children
, since they want to know about everything. It is possible for kids to search even about the crimes on the Internet .In conclusion,
Parent
Fix the agreement mistake
Parents
show examples
 should talk about the risks to their
children
friendly
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because kids do not want anybody
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 a wall around them, so if
parents
 have a good relationship with their
children
, kids are more likely to follow their advice.
Submitted by badrijalali on

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task achievement
Ensure that the response directly addresses the question presented. In this case, the question is asking for your agreement or disagreement with the statement that children should always follow their parents' advice. Make your position clear and provide arguments to support it.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a clear and logical manner. Start with an introduction that introduces the topic and your position, followed by body paragraphs that each discuss a separate main point and support it with examples or evidence. End with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position.
task achievement
To further develop your ideas, try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by clearly stating your main points and supporting them with reasons or examples.
task achievement
Provide a more thorough explanation of the risks in the digital world and how parents can help their children navigate them. Additionally, consider addressing counterarguments to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly present your main points and summarize your overall argument. Additionally, try to create stronger topic sentences for your body paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental guidance
  • crucial
  • life lessons
  • best interests
  • life experience
  • understanding
  • challenges
  • invaluable
  • independence
  • critical thinking
  • relying solely
  • hinder
  • beliefs
  • desires
  • generational changes
  • rapid pace
  • social and technological changes
  • outdated
  • applicable
  • digital age
  • necessitating
  • balance
  • tradition
  • modernity
  • deeply ingrained
  • value
  • evolve
  • honoring
  • deviating
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