IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that culture will be damaged in the condition that it is used to earn money from
tourism
,
whereas
 others consider that the only way to protect it is through
tourism
.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and from my isolating view,
tourism
 not only preserves culture but
also
 brings many benefits for locals. Integrating traditional cultural aspects with local
tourism
 provides greater exposure to these cultures. To be specific,
tourism
 adverts images of
traditions
 to
people
 around the world.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the ground that more
people
concern
Wrong verb form
are concerned
show examples
 about these
traditions
, it means more
people
 know or intend to do that, so they will never be forgotten through times. Money making from
tourism
 is an important motivation in order to encourage passion between old and young generations,
ensures
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 that they will not
abandoned
Change the verb form
abandon
show examples
 these
traditions
 to come up with modernization.
In contrast
, some
people
 think tourists cause so
many damages
Fix the agreement mistake
much damage
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tradition. In some cases, they leave their names or paintings on ancient structures in order to memorize that they used to visit these places or get lucky.
Furthermore
, bad-designed
tour
Fix the agreement mistake
tours
show examples
 may cause negative emotions about that tradition,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 many tourists are forced to buy local souvenirs just to suit the purpose of
tourism
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
show examples
 two things into
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account, I proved the faith that
tourism
 plays a vital role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 protecting
traditions
. As images of
traditions
 are enhanced to more
people
, it provides
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 to develop that tradition somewhere out of their locals. Money from
tourism
 is not
payment
Rephrase
only payment
show examples
 for local
people
 but
also
 a public fund to fix and preserve old structures
for instance
. Despite
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 bad news about
Correct article usage
the destructions
show examples
destructions
Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 some
traditions
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 tourists, I advocate that in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term,
tourism
 is a sustainable way to preserve
traditions
 if we have careful and ambitious plans
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Proofread your essay to fix grammar errors and improve sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: