Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many
people
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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belief
Replace the word
believe
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that culture will be damaged in the condition that it is used to earn money from
tourism
,
whereas
others consider that the only way to protect it is through
tourism
.
This
essay will discuss both sides and from my isolating view,
tourism
not only preserves culture but
also
brings many benefits for locals. Integrating traditional cultural aspects with local
tourism
provides greater exposure to these cultures. To be specific,
tourism
adverts images of
traditions
to
people
around the world.
In
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On
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the ground that more
people
concern
Wrong verb form
are concerned
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about these
traditions
, it means more
people
know or intend to do that, so they will never be forgotten through times. Money making from
tourism
is an important motivation in order to encourage passion between old and young generations,
ensures
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ensuring
show examples
that they will not
abandoned
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abandon
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these
traditions
to come up with modernization.
In contrast
, some
people
think tourists cause so
many damages
Fix the agreement mistake
much damage
show examples
for
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to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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tradition. In some cases, they leave their names or paintings on ancient structures in order to memorize that they used to visit these places or get lucky.
Furthermore
, bad-designed
tour
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tours
show examples
may cause negative emotions about that tradition,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
many tourists are forced to buy local souvenirs just to suit the purpose of
tourism
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
show examples
two things into
an
Correct article usage
apply
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account, I proved the faith that
tourism
plays a vital role
on
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in
show examples
protecting
traditions
. As images of
traditions
are enhanced to more
people
, it provides
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
to develop that tradition somewhere out of their locals. Money from
tourism
is not
payment
Rephrase
only payment
show examples
for local
people
but
also
a public fund to fix and preserve old structures
for instance
. Despite
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
bad news about
Correct article usage
the destructions
show examples
destructions
Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
show examples
for
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of
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some
traditions
from
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by
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tourists, I advocate that in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long term,
tourism
is a sustainable way to preserve
traditions
if we have careful and ambitious plans
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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