The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The retirement age in most countries starts at 65 years old.
However
, in my country, the retirement age starts at 60 years old. Nowadays, some
people
believe the
government
should be responsible for providing financial
support
to
retirees
.
While some
Correct word choice
Some
show examples
people
think individuals should save money to
support
themselves when they retire. In the following paragraph, both views on
this
topic will be discussed in detail before a conclusion is reached. On the one hand, many
people
believe that the
government
should be responsible for providing financial
support
to
retirees
. I strongly agree with
this
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
because
people
work when they
young
Add a missing verb
are young
show examples
, they must pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
government
.
So that
Correct word choice
So
show examples
the
government
should
providing
Change the verb form
provide
be providing
show examples
financial
support
when they become
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
.
In addition
, if the
government
can take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the population,
so that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their sons and daughters,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can collect money for themself and pay back
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
to the
government
in the
future
.
For example
, in
Thailand
Add a comma
Thailand,
show examples
the
government
collects taxes on working-age
people
to pay for
retirees
benefits when they retire every month.
On the other hand
, some
people
concern
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
support
. They believe
people
should have personal savings when they retire because
people
should have personal plans for their
future
. They should know the importance of personal
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
.
For instance
, if
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
know the importance of saving, they will not be in financial trouble in the
future
. If they
sick
Add a missing verb
are sick
show examples
or have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
,
then
they will not have to wait for
government
assistance. So that, if they can
support
financial for themself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, they will have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
quality of life in the
future
. In conclusion, the
government
should be responsible for providing
support
for
retirees
because
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
.
However
, some
people
think they should have personal
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
for themself.
Submitted by alisa.chuaypalad on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • government responsibility
  • financial support
  • care
  • retirees
  • personal responsibility
  • retirement planning
  • social security
  • pension
  • benefits
  • concerns
  • dependency
  • adequate savings
  • elderly citizens
  • burden
  • welfare system
  • poverty
  • social safety net
  • financial stability
  • public funds
  • sustainable
  • reliable
  • case study
  • Japan
  • Sweden
  • United States
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