The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#government #retirees #support #care #people #citizens #money

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The retirement age in most countries starts at 65 years old.

However

Linking Words

, in my country, the retirement age starts at 60 years old. Nowadays, some

people

Use synonyms

believe the

government

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should be responsible for providing financial

support

Use synonyms

retirees

Use synonyms

Linking Words

While some

Correct word choice

Some

show examples

people

Use synonyms

think individuals should save money to

support

Use synonyms

themselves when they retire. In the following paragraph, both views on

this

Linking Words

topic will be discussed in detail before a conclusion is reached. On the one hand, many

people

Use synonyms

believe that the

government

Use synonyms

should be responsible for providing financial

support

Use synonyms

retirees

Use synonyms

. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

view point

Correct your spelling

viewpoint

show examples

because

people

Use synonyms

work when they

young

Add a missing verb

are young

show examples

, they must pay

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

government

Use synonyms

So that

Correct word choice

show examples

the

government

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should

providing

Change the verb form

provide

be providing

show examples

financial

support

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when they become

eldery

Correct your spelling

elderly

In addition

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, if the

government

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can take care

for

Change preposition

show examples

the population,

so that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

their sons and daughters,

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can collect money for themself and pay back

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

to the

government

Use synonyms

in the

future

Use synonyms

For example

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, in

Thailand

Add a comma

Thailand,

show examples

the

government

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collects taxes on working-age

people

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to pay for

retirees

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benefits when they retire every month.

On the other hand

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, some

people

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concern

Add a missing verb

are concern

show examples

with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

government

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support

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. They believe

people

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should have personal savings when they retire because

people

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should have personal plans for their

future

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. They should know the importance of personal

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

For instance

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, if

people

Use synonyms

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

know the importance of saving, they will not be in financial trouble in the

future

Use synonyms

. If they

sick

Add a missing verb

are sick

show examples

or have

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

health

Correct pronoun usage

their health

show examples

then

Linking Words

they will not have to wait for

government

Use synonyms

assistance. So that, if they can

support

Use synonyms

financial for themself

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

, they will have

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

quality of life in the

future

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, the

government

Use synonyms

should be responsible for providing

support

Use synonyms

for

retirees

Use synonyms

because

people

Use synonyms

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

pay

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

However

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

think they should have personal

saving

Fix the agreement mistake

savings

show examples

for themself.

Submitted by alisa.chuaypalad on Sat Oct 07 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

government responsibility
financial support
care
retirees
personal responsibility
retirement planning
social security
pension
benefits
concerns
dependency
adequate savings
elderly citizens
burden
welfare system
poverty
social safety net
financial stability
public funds
sustainable
reliable
case study
Japan
Sweden
United States

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