IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

1. It has been suggested that cars and public transport should be banned from city centres and only bicycles be allowed instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cars #transport #city #centres #bicycles
In current times, youngsters feel more challenged by study, family and work-related pressure which creates lots of detrimental effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will list down causes and give some solutions to tackle
this
 situation with some relative examples. To commence
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, students face various problems
due to
 academic, social and commercial.
Firstly
, from their
parent's
Change noun form
parents'
show examples
 and teachers' sites, they expect youngsters to achieve first class in their class
hence
 children feel more insecure and pressured.
For instance
, every parent wants to receive good grades in school from their children's site.
Secondly
, sometimes students have an interest in other extra activities
such
 as sports, art, music and many more and they want to build their career in these types of fields but
due to
 the high pressure from their family site, they do not achieve their ambition.
Lastly
, in their work life, they find lots of work and an unbalanced life
therefore
 they do not find a comfort zone.
Furthermore
, there are some solutions to overcome these types of hurdles in offspring's growth. families should provide guidance and knowledge to their offspring to become successful students and employees.
Moreover
, companies should provide a more flexible environment to new employee because after completing their academics they want to have more secure and flexible lives in the workplace. Meanwhile, elder people should teach youngsters how to behave with other citizens. To give an overview, there are several factors
such
 as commercial, social and academic affect children's
heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
show examples
.
However
, parents and other people should take care of and provide better opportunities and placement to young human beings.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay does not address the given topic or express a clear opinion. Make sure to clearly state your position on whether cars and public transport should be banned from city centres and only bicycles be allowed instead.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow. Make sure to have an introduction, body paragraphs with clear main points and supporting details, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples and fails to effectively support the main points. Include relevant and specific examples to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Use appropriate vocabulary and language to express your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • traffic
  • improve
  • viable
  • population
  • investment
  • infrastructure
  • policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: