IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that if you are an ex-prisoner and you become a good person. These types of
people
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 have the responsibility to introduce young
people
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 who do not commit a
crime
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 to raise awareness of
acts
Correct article usage
the acts
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. I agree because these types of
people
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 have
consciousness
Correct article usage
a consciousness
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 of all the bad things they did in the past
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they are trying to help other
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not commit these types of
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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. In
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 part ex
prisoners
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ex-prisoners
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 can
shows
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show
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to
Change preposition
apply
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teenagers a different perspective that other
people
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like
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, like
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 police
officers
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officers,
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 can’t see
they
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. They
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 can describe very well how bad a prisoner can feel without freedom and dignity locked up in a jail. If you hear a
first hand
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first-hand
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 experience of a prisoner can give you a better idea of what
is a
Correct word order
a crime is
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crime
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 and how
this
Linking Words
 is an act of gravity.
This
Linking Words
 type of story can help
to
Verb problem
apply
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give you warnings.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ex
prisoners
Use the right word
ex-prisoners
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 give you a true lesson and how
people
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 who
did
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have done
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things bad
Correct word order
bad things
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 can be
reinserted
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reintegrated
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 into society. Teenagers who are in difficult situations can learn
these
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from these
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 individuals as a new figure of inspiration. They offer a message of redemption that can encourage young
people
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 or adults to
have
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make
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 better choices and
to
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apply
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not be in bad influences .
Obviously
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Obviously,
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 there are many
people
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 who argue that if you are an
ex-prisoner
Punctuation problem
ex-prisoner,
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 you do not necessarily have a good model to follow. Their past as criminals could decrease
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 credibility or be a bad example . In conclusion, I believe that ex-prisoners who have become good persons and responsible citizens can be the best persons to speak in front of teenagers about the dangers of
crime
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 with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 personal stories and experiences. To guide young
people
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 to have a more responsible future

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear map: a short intro, two to three body ideas, and a clear end.
grammar
Use easy and short sentences. Avoid long lines that mix many ideas in one go.
grammar
Check verbs and noun form. For ex, write ex-prisoners, not ex prisoners. Use 'they' when you mean more than one person.
cohesion
Keep a steady idea. Do not repeat the same words. Start each paragraph with a main idea sentence.
content
Give one or two real examples or facts to back your idea. This helps the reader see your point.
content
The essay keeps a clear view and tries to use evidence of real life.
content
The idea of redemption is a good choice for this topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
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