IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the past prisoners would be the most interesting
people
Use synonyms
 to higher awareness
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 adolescents about committing crimes.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with the statement. To me,
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have not experienced the action are not eligible to discuss it and to try to convince them not to do it. The teenagers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are
confronted
Verb problem
sent
show examples
 to jail are recurrent
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the talking stages in school are but in
general
Punctuation problem
general,
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 with
people
Use synonyms
 not specialised in
this
Linking Words
 subject. That causes a lot of high schoolers not to listen or give attention to the debate.
This
Linking Words
 can be compared to the situation that happened
last
Linking Words
 time at my school, someone who experienced a car accident came to
sensibilize
Verb problem
sensitise
show examples
 us about roads.
This
Linking Words
 time
we
Punctuation problem
, we
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 all listened to his story and what he recommended
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 we all saw the experience in him
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and how
traumatized
Change the spelling
traumatised
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 he was.
People
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have lived a difficult moment
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can make us share compassion. If we project ourselves into the one talking with us, in
this
Linking Words
case
Punctuation problem
case,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 being in
jail
Punctuation problem
jail,
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 we can project ourselves into the difficult moment. So
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 wanting to finish in the same place is normal at
this
Linking Words
 point. To keep up with the past example, we saw all the physical damage caused by the crash
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it’s shocking how dangerous
this
Linking Words
 can be. So we all didn’t want to finish in the hospital without walking capability. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the prisoners are the ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have the most experience with jail, so it is interesting to see what they
judge
Verb problem
think
show examples
 of it. But
also
Linking Words
 seeing how it can be
traumatizing
Change the spelling
traumatising
show examples
, doesn’t make the majority of teenagers
wanting
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
to end
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation because of the
devastative
Correct your spelling
devastating
 scars it can
print
Verb problem
leave
show examples
 on us.

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task
Make a short plan and say your view in the first lines.
coherence
Put the main idea at the start of each paragraph.
coherence
Use linking words like and, but, because to join ideas.
content
Give more than one clear example and explain how it supports your point.
language
Check grammar and avoid long, hard sentences.
content
Your view is clear and you try to use a real life example.
tone
You show feeling about the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
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