An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

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In the modern world, the rate of childhood obesity has increased significantly so that, they confront considerable health difficulties and healthcare costs when they grow up. The major reasons for that are the modern

education

Use synonyms

system and the modern dietary pattern.

However

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, they could be solved by viable

solutions

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Hence

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, in

this

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essay, I will explore reasons for childhood obesity and the perfect

solutions

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for that. First of all, the sophisticated

education

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system contributes to increasing schoolchildren's fatness. Since the modern school curriculum depends on state-of-the-art technological devices

such

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as cutting-edge laptops and smartphones, they are addicted to them and they always spend time in front of the digital screen.

Therefore

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, their physical activities

such

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as engaging in

sports

Use synonyms

have decreased considerably and they may have a sedentary lifestyle.

Consequently

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, their weight will rise gradually.

For example

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, students who live in Western countries are extremely fat because they study with new technology at their schools and homes.

Moreover

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, unhealthy eating habits drive

this

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excessive weight gain of a new generation since they consume fast foods which are high in calories and unsaturated fats immensely.

Therefore

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, the cholesterol levels of blood circulation will be enhanced and it causes fatness in the young population.

However

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, there are viable

solutions

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this

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crisis.

Firstly

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sports

Use synonyms

and physical activities should be introduced as main subjects in the school syllabus.

Therefore

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, they may engage in those

sports

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and will realize the importance of physical stamina.

As a consequence

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, they may lead to an active life.

Secondly

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, teaching the disadvantages of unhealthy meals and restricting them is paramount to reducing becoming overweight. They should be provided nutritious cuisines that are supported to boost physical fitness.

For instance

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, traditional foods

such

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as junk fruit curry, hoppers, and string hoppers should be introduced to the school canteens

instead

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of fried rice,

donuts

Change the spelling

doughnuts

show examples

, etc. In conclusion, the new

education

Use synonyms

system and unhealthy eating habits are key to becoming overweight.

However

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, introducing

sports

Use synonyms

as a major portion of the

education

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syllabus and introducing nutritious cuisine to students are excellent possible

solutions

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to prevent

this

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problem.

laksrijayashanSat Oct 07 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure proper paragraphing with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the subject and focus.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices effectively but avoid overusing them, as it can make the text feel mechanical.

task achievement

Develop the main points fully with specific examples and explanations rather than making general statements.

task achievement

Try to provide innovative and less commonly known solutions to tackle the problem for a higher score in task achievement.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition of points and aim to show progression in the argument or narrative throughout the essay.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

345 words

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

The tendency of news media to focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspaper will soon become a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What can be done to encourage people to buy local food?

It has been argued that we are living in a throw-away society in which people throw away what they use in daily life, instead of recycling or reusing it. Why has this happened and how can we address this problem?

Logging of the rainforests is a serious problem and may lead to animal and human life extinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree?