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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the amount of income from cinema ticket and DVD sales in the USA and internationally from 2001 to 2010.

The graph shows the amount of income from cinema ticket and DVD sales in the USA and internationally from 2001 to 2010.
The line graph illustrates how much payment in
cinema
Use synonyms
 ticket and
DVD
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 in both
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and
global
Change the word
globally
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 between 2001 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that North America
DVD
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 had the highest income than others at the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
 of the period, but
at the
Linking Words
end
Add a comma
end,
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 international
cinema
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 had the biggest salaries whilst other trends
nothing
Add a missing verb
were nothing
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 special. Both worldwide
DVD
Use synonyms
 and
cinema
Use synonyms
 vending increased during the period surveyed except between 2004 and 2005.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
, international
DVD
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
under
Add a missing verb
were under
show examples
 20
billions
Change to singular
billion
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 but
at the end
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 rose to over 30
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
, respectively. International
cinema
Use synonyms
 had the same trend with the exception of between 2008 and 2010. Turning to the remaining statistic, in
further
Linking Words
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 North American
DVD
Use synonyms
 and
cinema
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
corresponding
Wrong verb form
corresponded
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 during the
surveyed
Replace the word
survey
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apart
Rephrase
apply
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from 2008 to 2009. North American
DVD
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 had the biggest amount of income when started and decreased to the nearly lowest figure
at the end
Linking Words
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, dvd, sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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