Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that it is beneficial to uplift young ones in the urban
centres
rather than in the
villages
because of the availability of reputed educational institutions,
while
others are of the opinion that kids should be raised in the countryside in order to provide them with clean air.
While
letting little ones live in the village side will provide them with a healthy atmosphere I believe that easy access to prestigious educational organizations is more important. On the one hand, the atmosphere in the countryside is more healthy and fresh.
Villages
offer healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
to their residents. Many individuals visit
villages
to get away from city pollution.
However
,
villages
lack good infrastructure like roads,uninterrupted drinking water,continuous power supply
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
proper drainage network and
mostly
Rephrase
most
show examples
importantly academic
centres
of good quality. Providing decent education to kids is more important than clean air and a natural atmosphere.
On the other hand
, city life has many things to offer to its residents. The most important of them is academic
centres
of repute which are primarily located in metro
centres
. A good education gives a strong foundation to sons and daughters.
To conclude
, I would like to reiterate that life in the rural area is not suitable for young- ones rather urban life
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them become educated and good citizens.
Submitted by irshad.sayeed88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, and could significantly benefit from distinct paragraphing to delineate introductions, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Paragraphs should each focus on a singular idea to aid in achieving a more coherent argument.
content
In achieving task response, it's critical to address all components of the prompt. Here, both sides of the argument should have been given a balanced treatment. Each point needs to be expanded with specific details and examples to support the claims being made. Greater depth in analysis would enhance task achievement by demonstrating a nuanced understanding of the topic.
expression
Regarding coherence and cohesion, the essay would improve with the use of a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Practice varying sentence structure and effectively utilizing paragraphing to guide the reader through the argument in a more natural and clear way.
development
The essay somewhat develops the points but needs to provide more detailed support and clear examples for the claims. An effort should be made to ensure points are relevant to the question and contribute to a comprehensive discussion of the topic at hand. Further analysis of how each point relates to the discussion will strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: