IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
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There is a debate that many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
tourism
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revenue
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 can destroy
culture
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.
However
Linking Words
, others
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is protecting
culture
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. I will discuss both of those views in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand,
tuorism
Correct your spelling
tourism
 has some negative effects on
culture
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. A lot of
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
 have poor consciousness when they visit or exposure some
culture
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, they do not respect or
careful
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be careful
show examples
 with them.
For example
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, some
people
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 travel to historical monuments,
some
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and some
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 of them usually litter around that
place
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even
Correct word choice
and even
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 draw
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 in those structures. Another point I want to mention
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
 of some
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 can be changed when so
much tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
many tourists
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 bring
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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culture
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in
Change preposition
from
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 their
place
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 to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another places
show examples
place
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. It
maybe is
Wrong verb form
may be
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 the food, clothes or
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
 in those
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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 must agree that
tourism
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revenue
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 is very important for
culture
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can be
Verb problem
to
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 exist.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the money from it can help
culture
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 to remain, because that money can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 to maintain and improve them.
Moreover
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, that money can make
people
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 from
other
Change the wording
another place
other places
show examples
place
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 to know about them and come to explore them through the
advertiment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of
tuorism
Correct your spelling
tourism
 around the world can not be more famous and better if
people
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 do not know about them through the
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertiment
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 like Roman Colosseum, Great Wall or Eiffel Tower. In conclusion,
tourism
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revenue
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perchane
Correct your spelling
perchance
purchase
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some negative effects on
culture
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.
However
Linking Words
,
people
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 must admit that many
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culture
Change to a plural noun
cultures
show examples
 can not be maintained without them, so
tourism
Use synonyms
revenue
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 has an important role in
culture
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.
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Provide a more concise and clear introduction and conclusion. These sections should summarize your main points.
task achievement
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lexical resource
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grammatical range accuracy
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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