IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

#overpopulation #areas #two #ones #governments #individuals
In the world, there are numerous countries which are suffering from
overpopulation
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Researches
Fix the agreement mistake
Research
show examples
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that overcrowding
problem
 of urban areas can cause numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diseases,
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 and other problems. There is no denying that
this
problem
 can make our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 hard as well. In order to fix
this
 circumstance there are numerous approaches
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
humanity
.
On the contrary
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
humanity
 could not solve it yet. It seems to me that one of the issues which
occured
Correct your spelling
caused
 by
overpopulation
problem
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
diffuculties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 public
transport
. There is no doubt
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that it is the most essential issue for
people
.
Howevere
Correct your spelling
However
 in big cities
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 have
overpopulation
 even almost all of them
poorly
Add a missing verb
are poorly
show examples
 constructed in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transport
. I strongly believe that it is much more crucial than we realize. In my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 problems in public
transport
 can cause a lot of victims
as a consequence
 of crashes. As far as I know to solve
this
problem
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
optimal
Correct article usage
an optimal
show examples
 way
humanity
 should research
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other countries where
already
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they encountered
this
problem
. In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 I will give an example from one country
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 did it practically. First of all,
governments
 have to build new cities near another
city
 where have
overpopulation
Add an article
an overpopulation
show examples
problem
. Actually, my speculation is the best way to solve
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
decrasing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 size in
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
city
. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 usually
governments
 use some strategies to
decrase
Correct your spelling
decrease
 population.
However
,
this
 process can take a long time and it is not actually
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
solving
Replace the word
solution
show examples
 to
this
problem
.
Even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
I think other countries have to use
this
 method
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 because they
maybe can
Wrong verb form
may
show examples
 encounter
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
circumnstance
Correct your spelling
circumstance
circumstances
 in overcoming years
consequently
. Regardless of what
people
 think, I guess as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 we
also
 can do something individually. But it does not mean
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 belongs
us
Change preposition
to us
show examples
. As a matter of
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 the main responsibility belongs to
governments
.
In
Change preposition
Otherwise
show examples
otherwise
 if they don't do their
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 time
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
attemps
Correct your spelling
attempts
attempt
 can
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sense. As a
perosn
Correct your spelling
person
,
humanity
 can use other vehicles to go anywhere to solve
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
transport
problem
.
This
 is just one way that I support
to
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
do
Correct pronoun usage
do this
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 in
Amsterdam
Add a comma
Amsterdam,
show examples
people
 go to their work by bike.
Aditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
governments
 can take an example from Malaysia
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 have
population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
problem
 and they fix it by building
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
city
 near
capital
Add an article
the capital
show examples
city
 of Malaysia called Kuala Lampur.
As a result
 in the
city
 is Petronas
where
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 is not
such
 a
problem
. If I
summorise
Correct your spelling
summarise
 in my
oppinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
 there are so many ways to solve
this
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
 but
governments
 and
people
 should handle their
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 to overcome
this
 issue.
Submitted by yusifakhmad on

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coherence cohesion
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to address both the government's and individuals' roles in addressing the problem.
lexial resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Review and correct your grammar errors to improve your accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on infrastructure
  • public services
  • overcrowded
  • inadequate healthcare services
  • pressure on educational institutions
  • environmental impact
  • increased pollution
  • waste management
  • destruction of green spaces
  • natural habitats
What to do next:
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