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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

all over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity.what are the problems for the rise in obesity and how could it be tackled

The rates of
obesity
Use synonyms
 are rising unusually fast nowadays and are
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
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 like
epidemic
Add an article
an epidemic
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 all over the world. The main cause for
this
Linking Words
 problem is the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
food
Use synonyms
, yet it can be solved by the government enforcing
schools
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 to have healthy diets for students The current cause of
obesity
Use synonyms
 problems is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 high amount of
sugar
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 in many foods. It must be recognized that the cost of products with high
sugar
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 quantities is lower than these healthy ones that’s why it’s showing up everywhere and consumers tend to choose
food
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 with
high
Add an article
a high
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percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of sweeteners because of its price. In other word, when people eat these unhealthy
food
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 ,
sugar
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 messes with their brain which make people more hungry and want to eat more.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it cause
obesity
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 and lead to many diseases like diabetes heart disease, liver and cancer.
According to
Linking Words
 American nutritionist results
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 can disorder the brain and prevent it from receiving a leptin signal so the brain
think
Change the verb form
thinks
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 the body is still hungry, and that’s starvation.
However
Linking Words
, the solution can be found in government action to change the
diet
Use synonyms
 of many
schools
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. The most effective approach is for
schools
Use synonyms
 to limit protein sizes and put fruit
also
Linking Words
 vegetables in students’ diets.
Besides
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 should put kids' mass index on their report cards.
As a result
Linking Words
, students can have a healthy lifestyle at school through a strict
diet
Use synonyms
 and exercise in PE subjects,
along with
Linking Words
 help from family through the report cards. Take Wagonwheel School as an example,
this
Linking Words
 school started healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 strategies many years ago and was really successful in reducing weight for many students.
Thus
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the principal reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 is the high amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
food
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the change in the
diet
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 of
schools
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 can contribute to reducing the
obesity
Use synonyms
 rate in many countries

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all the main points are fully supported in the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on using more advanced grammatical structures.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity epidemic
  • Processed foods
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Caloric intake
  • Public health issue
  • Nutritional value
  • Food accessibility
  • Screen time
  • Healthy diet
  • Nutritional education
  • Subsidies for healthy foods
  • Wellness programs
  • Physical inactivity
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Government policies
  • Sugar tax
  • Nutrient-dense
  • Body Mass Index (BMI)
  • Fast food consumption
  • Lifestyle changes
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