IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people have difficulty maintaining a healthy diet. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

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In recent times, maintaining a healthy balanced diet has been difficult for many
due to
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 two main reasons.
Firstly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 are indulged in a busy lifestyle; and
secondly
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, budget restrictions have made it easier for
people
Use synonyms
 to pivot towards fast
foods
Use synonyms
.
This
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 negative development can be solved by increasing the prices of processed
foods
Use synonyms
 and by reducing the prices of organic fruits and vegetables,
in addition
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 to educating the population. Lately, in order to earn more money,
people
Use synonyms
 have incorporated themselves into the hustle-and-bustle culture.
Consequently
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, they have no free time to prepare home-cooked meals, which are on the healthier side.
As a result
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, many rely on processed
foods
Use synonyms
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
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 minimal preparation time.
For example
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, a study conducted by the University of Delhi published that 80 % of IT professionals are at
a
Remove the article
apply
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risk of obesity
due to
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 the prolonged intake of processed fast
foods
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the current generation's goal is to save money rather than to take care of one's health.
Hence
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, as fast
foods
Use synonyms
 are cheaper, many tend to choose
this
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 over the healthier alternative.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be solved by the government. By increasing the tax on processed fast
foods
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 would think twice before purchasing them.
For instance
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, in 2020 when the price of 'Maggi' increased by 10%, the company lost sales by 70%.
Furthermore
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, the government could take initiatives to educate
people
Use synonyms
 on the downsides of eating an unhealthy diet. They could use media
such
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 as television or radio to reach a wider audience.
Additionally
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,
people
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 could be taught how to cook a simple home-cooked balanced diet, which would be easy to follow. In conclusion,
due to
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 a busy lifestyle and unhealthy mindset, many deviate towards eating fast
foods
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
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, by educating the population and by increasing the prices of fast
foods
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 might opt for a healthy, nutritious meal
instead
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.

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coherence cohesion
While you demonstrate a capacity to organize your ideas and paragraphs in a logical flow, it would benefit from a clearer topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of each paragraph more precisely. Aim for a more explicit statement at the start of each body paragraph for enhanced clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally well-developed. You could improve by ensuring that your conclusion not only summarizes the key points but also explicitly mirrors the introduction in terms of the paraphrasing of key terms and the restatement of the main problem and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay supports the main points with examples, but these could be more varied and specific. Try to incorporate a range of evidence, such as statistics, individual case studies, and expert opinions to enhance the weight of your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided answers to both parts of the prompt, but remember to fully expand upon each point. Aim to provide a more thorough explanation of the causes and flush out the solutions by delving into how they would work and why they are effective, perhaps including potential challenges to these solutions.
task achievement
Work on developing ideas in a more comprehensive manner. This includes taking the time to expand each point with further explanation or commentary, not just providing an example. This will demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic and the ability to critically examine the issues.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help to illustrate the points made, but adding specificity could enhance their impact. Where possible, use real-world data, statistics, or case studies to lend credibility to the examples you provide. Also, ensure examples are directly linked to the causes or the solutions you present within the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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