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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Fewer young people do farming in rural areas. Why? Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

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In villages, farming is the less common choice of employment among youngsters.
This
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 is mainly because of the hardship that
farmers
Use synonyms
 usually face and
opportunities
Correct article usage
the opportunities
show examples
 to get better jobs.
However
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 young
people
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 should be encouraged to do farming as it is a vital part of every country. The most obvious reason why the young generation does not want to do farming is that it is not worth it. The money that
farmers
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 earn is only enough for basic human needs and they usually have to do unpleasant and difficult work
such
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 as cleaning the waste of domestic animals like cows, horses and others to even earn that money. Another cause is nowadays employment choices are more than ever before thanks to technology and online learning. Nearly all young
people
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 have millions of online materials on their hands that teach them how to be professional at almost any job. That’s why young
people
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 now don’t choose farming
while
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 they have opportunities to learn and have better jobs. There are a number of ways to motivate young
people
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 to do farming. The government could give perks to
farmers
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. The government may be able to give
farmers
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 huge crop fields for several years for free until they’re financially stable or supply them with the necessary technologies that they need.
Moreover
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, the government should come up with initiatives to teach youngsters how to be successful
farmers
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 by creating educational and practical campaigns. If young
people
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 realize the importance of farming and make sure that they can be successful with
this
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 job, they will eventually want to do farming.
For example
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, I have an uncle who wasn’t interested in farming at all till he was forced to learn it from a famous farmer. After learning everything about farming, he is now a very well-known farmer in our town. In conclusion, financial and physical problems and opportunities for better careers lead to the unpopularity of being a farmer among the young generation. Only when governments are able to support
farmers
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 and give them helping hands, will
this
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 situation be remedied.

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state your viewpoint.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your ideas and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to improve the coherence and flow of your essay.
lexical resource
Consider using more advanced vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to the correct use of verb tenses and verb forms.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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