IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
From the past to nowadays,
music
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 popular among
people
Use synonyms
 and they use the
music
Use synonyms
 in their events. Today, individuals claim that
music
Use synonyms
 is the best way to connect different traditions and
cultures
Use synonyms
 from all countries. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view for some reasons.
First,
Linking Words
each nation has
varieties
Fix the agreement mistake
a variety
show examples
 of
melody
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
 in different kinds of notes.
Also
Linking Words
, they use the local languages in
order
Use synonyms
 to make songs so, they can show their
customes
Correct your spelling
customs
 and mother tongue to other nations which
expand
Correct subject-verb agreement
expands
show examples
 their local
music
Use synonyms
 all over the world.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Iran
Add a comma
Iran,
show examples
 there are
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
cultures
Use synonyms
 with different
accent
Fix the agreement mistake
accents
show examples
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 their singer make local
melody
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to indicate their traditions to others.
Second,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 can learn new languages by listening to foreign
music
Use synonyms
 which can improve their skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals in
German
Replace the word
Germany
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not know
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
 language,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can listen to English
music
Use synonyms
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 their knowledge.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is the best way to communicate different
cultures
Use synonyms
 together.
Third,
Linking Words
in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 industry
music
Use synonyms
 is very popular among local and foreign
people
Use synonyms
 because their
singer
Fix the agreement mistake
singers
show examples
 can produce different kinds of
music
Use synonyms
 like pop, rock, jazz and other melody.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they attract all
people
Use synonyms
 around the world to their songs in
order
Use synonyms
 to share their
customes
Correct your spelling
customs
customers
 and lifestyles
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages.
For example
Linking Words
, one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 famous
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 that was developed in industry
music
Use synonyms
 is
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 with
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of singers in different genres.
In addition
Linking Words
, they illustrate their civilizations and
cultures
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
music
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 can modify the world and connect different traditions and
cultures
Use synonyms
 together. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
 has
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role
to show
Change preposition
in showing
show examples
 off
customes
Correct your spelling
customs
customers
 and lifestyles
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages.
Submitted by www.marzieh.eidi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: