IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefer to work in the same type of job throughout their lifetime ‎while others like to change the type of job they do. Discuss both views and give ‎your opinion.

In the modern world,
individuals
Use synonyms
 have different views on long-term careers. Some people tend to remain in one position for their entire life,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer to switch jobs whenever they want. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both perspectives and present my own vision on
this
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 topic. On the one hand, job stability is considered a key factor for sustainable growth
due to
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 uncertainty about the future. Employees often choose to maintain high performance in the same field not only because of the time invested in their careers, but
also
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belief
Change preposition
because of their belief
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 in success within the same sector. On top of that, familiar daily tasks and colleagues make
individuals
Use synonyms
 more confident, especially owing to the lower level of stress and anxiety.
For instance
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, during the COVID pandemic, a number of voluntary resignations have decreased significantly as many workers prefer to save their
occupations
Check wording
jobs
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. The main reason for it is the fear of losing
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 income
as well as
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 exploring new perspectives without clear prospects.
In addition
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, employers from developed countries, namely Germany or France, try their best to provide competitive salaries and comfortable working conditions to keep their workers. In essence, the latter prefer to maintain the same employment for the rest of their lives.
On the other hand
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, more and more
individuals
Use synonyms
 opt for altering professions to find their true vocation. Particularly, it is extremely complicated to find a workplace which offers security and passion at first. In the 21st century, people have all the possible tools to discover various job paths
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 without the obligation to obtain a certain degree.
Moreover
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, the younger generation is more inspired and fearless to open new perspectives because it is better to try themselves in a completely new occupation than to regret staying
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same one
your
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 whole life. To illustrate, numerous Ukrainian millennials take risks to vary the working spheres even during the war. Admittedly, making
such
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 a crucial decision
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 wish to build a successful workflow and environment despite daily air alarms. As for me, the courage to make fundamental changes is a significant element of progress. Only a few professionals have selected their areas
initially
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, when other parts should open doors for themselves in discovering their callings.
As a result
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,
individuals
Use synonyms
 might make different choices whether to stay at the same job or to seek fresh challenges. Until we have an opportunity to choose our path, we may pursue various professions to discover what is most suitable for us.

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task response
For task response: You discuss both sides and give your view, which is good. But your opinion should be more clear from the start and stay the same all through the essay.
task response
For task response: Some ideas are good, but a few parts are too general. Try to explain why people stay or change jobs in a more direct way.
task response
For task response: Your examples help, but some are not fully clear or not closely linked to the main point. Use one simple and clear example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, one side, other side, end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some long sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences to make the meaning clear.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Linking words are used well in many places, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'. But sometimes the link between ideas inside a paragraph is weak.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: both views and your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas in each body paragraph are mostly clear.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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