IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?

#people #internet #information #access
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, it has become more and more spoken, that the younger generation of today tends to spend the bulk of their spare
time
Use synonyms
 scrolling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social network sites and playing computer games
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 neglecting opportunities for their physical development.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 statement is rather debatable and I do not entirely agree with it. Over the course of
time
Use synonyms
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, computer technology, media sources and other “screen activities” have significantly developed, allowing for a much better experience received by the users and enabling the drastic surge of the
time
Use synonyms
 children spend using their gadgets.
This
Linking Words
 in turn leads to less
time
Use synonyms
 spent outside with their friends which means that adolescents’ bodies are not as firm and enduring as they once were. Indeed, the study, conducted by CHILDRENPLAY medical organization suggests that modern minors are 21% more likely to receive common injuries and 15% more likely to be affected by seasonal diseases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with ever increasing availability of workout classes, gymnastics and other courses online
together with
Linking Words
 a growing amount of sports amenities
outsides
Replace the word
outside
show examples
, the opposing effect
also
Linking Words
 takes place.
Thus
Linking Words
, the number of teens visiting gyms has increased by a stunning 107% because of their concerns for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 future health and desires to get a better, more attractive and robust body, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is evident from the research of gymbro.com data website. Because of
this
Linking Words
, I do not deem it entirely appropriate to consider all youngsters to be less active than those before them.
While
Linking Words
 the problem of too much
time
Use synonyms
 being spent online should be a matter of concern, I believe that modern teens still have a lot of will to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 actively strengthening themselves and, if given all the clear information on the problem, will jump at the opportunity of developing themselves.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: