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Band 2.5

People continue to recommit crimes even after being penalized for their wrongdoings. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?

#people #recommit #crimes #wrongdoings #crime
It
is argue
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is argued
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, that there are some
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people still
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 evil actions after their penalty for doing something bad.
This
 essay will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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first discuss why
this
 thing happens, and second how crime can be stopped.
Firstly
, the main reason why
this
 happens is because there are people who are unconscious of what they have
did
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
.
Moreover
, they are not satisfied with
things
Correct article usage
the things
show examples
 that they have done, which makes they are curious to get or do whatever they want.
For instance
,
the
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in the
show examples
coruptors
Correct your spelling
corruptors
corrupters
 in Indonesia, there are many
coruptors
Correct your spelling
corruptors
corruptions
corrupters
 who got into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail and when they are free, they still doing it until right now, because they are not content with their dark income.
However
, it still can be cut off. Even though there are
coruptors
Correct your spelling
corruptors
corrupters
 who are still being a
coruptor
Correct your spelling
corruptor
 and get money from the
public's
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public
show examples
,
but
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apply
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it can be decreased by downgrading or stopping the top
potition
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position
. Perhaps, the government should take
an
Correct article usage
apply
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action by making a strong law that
purposed
Add a missing verb
is purposed
show examples
 for the
coruptors
Correct your spelling
corporations
.
Therefore
, they will
decreasing
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decrease
be decreasing
show examples
along with
 time because of the regulation.
To sum up
,
definitely
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definitely,
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 there are many crimes that have been
done
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 by people who have been to
a
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apply
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jail.
However
, it can be stopped if the government makes strong regulations for any
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
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 of
criminals
Change the noun form
criminal
show examples
 action.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

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task achievement
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and does not fully address the question.
coherence cohesion
The main points lack clear and logical development.
task achievement
The examples provided are not specific and do not fully support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is weak and does not provide a strong summary of the main points.
grammatical range accuracy
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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