People continue to recommit crimes even after being penalized for their wrongdoings. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?

#people #recommit #crimes #wrongdoings #crime

is argue

Change the verb form

is argued

show examples

, that there are some

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people still

doing

Wrong verb form

show examples

evil actions after their penalty for doing something bad.

This

essay will

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

first discuss why

this

thing happens, and second how crime can be stopped.

Firstly

, the main reason why

this

happens is because there are people who are unconscious of what they have

did

Wrong verb form

done

show examples

Moreover

, they are not satisfied with

things

Correct article usage

the things

show examples

that they have done, which makes they are curious to get or do whatever they want.

For instance

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

coruptors

Correct your spelling

corruptors

corrupters

in Indonesia, there are many

coruptors

Correct your spelling

corruptors

corruptions

corrupters

who got into

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

jail and when they are free, they still doing it until right now, because they are not content with their dark income.

However

, it still can be cut off. Even though there are

coruptors

Correct your spelling

corruptors

corrupters

who are still being a

coruptor

Correct your spelling

corruptor

and get money from the

public's

Change noun form

public

show examples

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it can be decreased by downgrading or stopping the top

potition

Correct your spelling

position

. Perhaps, the government should take

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

action by making a strong law that

purposed

Add a missing verb

is purposed

show examples

for the

coruptors

Correct your spelling

corporations

Therefore

, they will

decreasing

Change the verb form

decrease

be decreasing

show examples

along with

time because of the regulation.

To sum up

definitely

Add a comma

definitely,

show examples

there are many crimes that have been

done

Verb problem

committed

show examples

by people who have been to

Remove the article

apply

show examples

jail.

However

, it can be stopped if the government makes strong regulations for any

kinds

Fix the agreement mistake

kind

show examples

criminals

Change the noun form

criminal

show examples

action.

Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on Mon Oct 09 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and does not fully address the question.

coherence cohesion

The main points lack clear and logical development.

task achievement

The examples provided are not specific and do not fully support the main points.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion is weak and does not provide a strong summary of the main points.

grammatical range accuracy

There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

218 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Write at least 250 words.
Today, in the world of modern information technologies, people prefer online communication and staying up-to-date by using social media services instead of traditional forms of communication. In my opinion, this trend is more likely to have more positive sights rather than drawbacks.
7
band
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
In today’s society, people have significantly divergent perspectives on education. The question of whether letting children decide routine matters by themselves may foster a self-centered character or is crucial for children's development has become a considerable debate. This essay will outline both viewpoints, and I agree with the latter opinion.
6
band
Many offenders commit more crimes after their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
It is argued that many offenders commit more crimes after their initial punishment. The main reason for this is that some of these offenders may be poor and cannot work after being released from prison. A viable solution is to forgive them and give them another chance.
4
band
Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
Most contemporary economies allow such a model of employment as being self-employed, which appears very tempting for many. However, still the vast majority of people opt for being employed in a company and not to set up their own business. This essay will attempt to look into the key factors as to why people may prefer entrepreneurship and major drawbacks to it.
<4
band
Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child‘s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Parents have the most important role in a child’s development or television and friends have the most significant influence. Sometimes better parents, usually better television and friends.

People continue to recommit crimes even after being penalized for their wrongdoings. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Write at least 250 words.

Many offenders commit more crimes after their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child‘s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.