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Band 5

Some people think that news media nowadays have infulenced people's lives in negative ways to what extent do you agree or disaggree.

#people #news #media #lives #disaggree
There is an assumption that some individuals believe that
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
 industry recently
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 negative impacts on
people
's lives. As a matter of fact, I believe
citizens
 may learn
miscalleneous
Correct your spelling
miscellaneous
information
 on different topics and access expert views without any effort.
This
 essay will discuss why I
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Firstly
, most
news
 channels share
a brief
Remove the article
brief information
a piece of brief information
show examples
information
 on market prices, scientific
proggresses
Correct your spelling
processes
,
technological
Correct word choice
and technological
show examples
 improvements.
Furthermore
,
people
 might be aware of recent changes in economics, politics or science.
This
 opportunity keeps
citizens
' knowledge
update
Wrong verb form
updated
show examples
 on various fields.
Therefore
, they can easily reach the newest data on market price fluctuations or technological developments.
For example
, some
middle-age
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
people
 who do not watch
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 regularly lack the
information
 about new iPhone series and prices.
On the other hand
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young adults
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
already
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 features of
iPhone
Correct article usage
the iPhone
show examples
 series 15, and
expected
Correct article usage
the expected
show examples
 prices.
That is
 because these
people
 strictly follow
news
 on social media or
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
.
Thus
, they will be aware of new technological products, and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 estimated values.
Secondly
, media sources provide beneficial expert views
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their users which can be useful in
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
show examples
 lives.
For instance
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthcare providers occasionally give pieces of advice for improving well-being. Not only will it be helpful for their fitness, but it will
also
 improve their awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 healthy
life-styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
. Eventually,
people
 may learn useful
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 from these
information
 sources,
besides
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it can be beneficial for their vision and health condition. In conclusion, some
people
 believe
news
 providers have a negative influence on
citizens
' lives.
However
, I believe that
people
 can learn the newest
information
 on different areas, and
this
information
 might well be beneficial for their health and awareness.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to indicate your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are supported with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
Address the opposing viewpoint and provide counterarguments to strengthen your position.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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