Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #zoos #animals

At the present time, whilst opponents hold the view that

zoos

are dangerous and should be restricted, proponents have diverse points of view that

zoos

are beneficial to protect

animals

from extinction.

However

I am a staunch believer that wildlife park has a substantial role in the

animals

Change to a genitive case

animal's

animals'

show examples

ecosystem,

besides

, it is an attractive place for children and tourists. on the one hand, the crowd believe that it is dangerous to leave

animals

between the civilians. Despite having strict security and trained staff members, sometimes the situation might be out of control.

Moreover

, some species have assertive behaviours which could pose a threat to people. as an eminent example, it has been reported that lions' feeders are subjected to numerous cruel attacks in the Egyptian zoo.

Hence

what can be said is that

zoos

endangering

Wrong verb form

endanger

show examples

the safety of the people.

on the other hand

, proponents and I are convinced that

animals

need appropriate care because numerous species will go extinct soon.

Consequently

zoos

should provide a good environment for these kinds of

animals

to increase their breeds.

For example

, rare panda species in China have had obstacles to resuming their reproduction

due to

a lack of bamboo trees.

Consequently

, The government considered

this

an emergency and started to plant bamboo trees in all seasons.

Thus

, people not only

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

save rare

animals

through

zoos

, but

also

they should provide them with a suitable environment. In conclusion, after the essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be stated that even though wildlife parks may frighten civilians, they are a complete form of nature that has to be respected. I believe that

zoos

have an indispensable role in reducing

specimens

Correct your spelling

species

show examples

extinction.

Submitted by drkareemabdelfattah on Mon Oct 09 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks clear topic sentences and paragraph development. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Make sure to provide transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence.

task achievement

The essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of zoos. Provide more counterarguments to strengthen the opposing view.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve the lexical resource score.

grammatical range accuracy

Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use proper verb forms.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

animal welfare
conservation
captive breeding
habitat
ethical issues
zoochosis
endangered species
genetic diversity
reintroduction programs
wildlife education
sanctuary
natural living conditions
artificial environments
behavioral enrichment
ecosystem

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Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

you are experiencing financial problems and want to ask your landlord if you can pay your rent late. Write a letter to your landlord. in your letter explain: why you cannot pay the rent; when you will pay the rent; how you will ensure you can pay your rent in the future.

The best way to reduce youth crime is to educate parents about good parenting skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?