Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
At the present time, whilst opponents hold the view that
zoos
are dangerous and should be restricted, proponents have diverse points of view that zoos
are beneficial to protect animals
from extinction. However
I am a staunch believer that wildlife park has a substantial role in the animals
ecosystem, Change to a genitive case
animal's
animals'
besides
, it is an attractive place for children and tourists.
on the one hand, the crowd believe that it is dangerous to leave animals
between the civilians. Despite having strict security and trained staff members, sometimes the situation might be out of control. Moreover
, some species have assertive behaviours which could pose a threat to people. as an eminent example, it has been reported that lions' feeders are subjected to numerous cruel attacks in the Egyptian zoo. Hence
what can be said is that zoos
endangering
the safety of the people.
Wrong verb form
endanger
on the other hand
, proponents and I are convinced that animals
need appropriate care because numerous species will go extinct soon. Consequently
, zoos
should provide a good environment for these kinds of animals
to increase their breeds. For example
, rare panda species in China have had obstacles to resuming their reproduction due to
a lack of bamboo trees. Consequently
, The government considered this
an emergency and started to plant bamboo trees in all seasons. Thus
, people not only can
save rare Verb problem
apply
animals
through zoos
, but also
they should provide them with a suitable environment.
In conclusion, after the essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be stated that even though wildlife parks may frighten civilians, they are a complete form of nature that has to be respected. I believe that zoos
have an indispensable role in reducing specimens
extinction.Correct your spelling
species
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear topic sentences and paragraph development. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Make sure to provide transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of zoos. Provide more counterarguments to strengthen the opposing view.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve the lexical resource score.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use proper verb forms.