Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that there is a better way to spend it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #clothes #haircuts #beauty #products #appearance

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Mostly,people

believes

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

that putting money on clothes,haircuts and beauty products could enhance their look

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

so they think it is a better way to spend.

whereas

Linking Words

, others believe there are more useful things than grooming.

Firstly

Linking Words

, everyone believes that grooming themselves more attractive can bring them huge opportunities.Because of that, everyone buys new clothes,

cosmetics

Correct word choice

and cosmetics

show examples

and

also

Linking Words

goes to a hairstylist.

Moreover

Linking Words

, some companies highly concentrate on their

employees

Change to a genitive case

employee's

employees'

show examples

appearance.

For example

Linking Words

, a cosmetic company or a fashion company wants their workers to be as fashionable as their products and

also

Linking Words

beautiful ,since they

also

Linking Words

reprensent

Correct your spelling

represent

their

companies

Fix the agreement mistake

company

show examples

product.

consequenty

Correct your spelling

Consequently

, people were in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

need to make them more voguish.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

preferable to improve their skills based on the

job

Use synonyms

expectation,rather than wasting their money on outlooks.

In particular

Linking Words

, we can learn to program,design and so on .Since

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

companies

requires

Change the verb form

require

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

skilled labour and

therefore

Linking Words

acquiring those skills can give us a

job

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, a person who learns to program can get a

job

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

tcs

Correct your spelling

TCS

vipbro

Correct your spelling

Vibro

and other service or

product based

Add a hyphen

product-based

show examples

programming industries.

While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

a designer can get a

job

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

designing

Replace the word

design

show examples

field.Owing to that , we need to invest

Change preposition

show examples

our learning.

To conclude

Linking Words

,grooming ourselves was a more

essenential

Correct your spelling

essential

quality.But in my opinion ,

along with

Linking Words

outlooks ,we

also

Linking Words

nees

Correct your spelling

need

to improve our knowledge.Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

beauty without knowledge is a sin.

Submitted by insighttribez on Tue Oct 10 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

227 words

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Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that there is a better way to spend it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

The advantages brought by the spread of English as “a global language” will outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that time spent on television and computer games can valuable for children. Other believe this has negative impact on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.