Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that there is a better way to spend it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Mostly,people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
that putting money on clothes,haircuts and beauty products could enhance their look
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
so they think it is a better way to spend.
whereas
, others believe there are more useful things than grooming.
Firstly
, everyone believes that grooming themselves more attractive can bring them huge opportunities.Because of that, everyone buys new clothes,
cosmetics
Correct word choice
and cosmetics
show examples
and
also
goes to a hairstylist.
Moreover
, some companies highly concentrate on their
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
appearance.
For example
, a cosmetic company or a fashion company wants their workers to be as fashionable as their products and
also
beautiful ,since they
also
reprensent
Correct your spelling
represent
their
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
show examples
product.
consequenty
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, people were in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
need to make them more voguish.
On the other hand
, it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable to improve their skills based on the
job
expectation,rather than wasting their money on outlooks.
In particular
, we can learn to program,design and so on .Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
skilled labour and
therefore
acquiring those skills can give us a
job
.
For instance
, a person who learns to program can get a
job
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
tcs
Correct your spelling
TCS
,
vipbro
Correct your spelling
Vibro
and other service or
product based
Add a hyphen
product-based
show examples
programming industries.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
a designer can get a
job
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
designing
Replace the word
design
show examples
field.Owing to that , we need to invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
our learning.
To conclude
,grooming ourselves was a more
essenential
Correct your spelling
essential
quality.But in my opinion ,
along with
outlooks ,we
also
nees
Correct your spelling
need
to improve our knowledge.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
beauty without knowledge is a sin.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: