IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the changes in the amount of visiters Art gallery, pavilion, pier and festival in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.

The line graph shows the changes in the amount of visiters Art gallery, pavilion, pier and festival in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.
#line #changes #amount #visiters #art #gallery #pavilion #pier #brighton
The line graph shows the changes in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
visiters
Correct your spelling
visitors
show examples
Art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
,
pavilion
Fix the agreement mistake
pavilions
show examples
, pier and
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
 in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of observ the percentage of tourists was
approcsimeatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 the same for
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
,
art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
 and
pavillion
Correct article usage
the pavillion
show examples
 in 1980, about 25-30%.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the same time, the pier’s popularity was the lowest in
coparisons
Correct your spelling
comparison
comparisons
 with all others and consisted
10
Change preposition
of 10
show examples
% . Father, the
pavillion’s
Correct your spelling
pavilion’s
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 grew significantly till 1995,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it got to
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest point 50% and changed its trend first to suddenly decreased
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 35% in 2000 and after to
gradually
Correct article usage
a gradually
show examples
 downward trend till 2010.
Although
, it
safed
Correct your spelling
saved
 the first place from all - 31%.
In contrast
, the
pier
Correct your spelling
pie
show examples
 fluctuated slightly
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
 place from 1980 till 2005 between 10-15% and
then
unexpected
Change the word
unexpectedly
show examples
 soared
doubeld
Correct your spelling
double
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20% and overtook the
art
gallery
 in the end.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the same time, the festival all period
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 30%, let only
minimal
Correct article usage
a minimal
show examples
 decrease in 1995 to 26%,
whis
Correct your spelling
which
 was
recoverd
Correct your spelling
recovered
 lately. In
comparisons
Fix the agreement mistake
comparison
show examples
 with all others, the dramatic changes showed the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
. It managed to rocket from 21% in 1980 to 38% in 1985 but
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 dropped till 19% in 1990 and continued steadily fall till 9% in 2010.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words art, gallery with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: