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Writing Samples
Band 7

Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today, to what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

School is an integral part of learning as
students
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 spend most of their time there. Some
people
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 argue that it is important for
schools
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 to teach their
students
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 how to survive financially in the world today. In my point of view, I strongly agree with that argument as
finance
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 is one of the foundational skills needed in daily life.
To begin
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 with,
schools
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 are supposed to teach basic life skills to the
students
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such
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 as leadership, cooking and
finance
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.
However
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, there is not enough teaching done to ensure
students
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 can survive once they graduate, especially in financial areas.
For instance
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, there is limited knowledge shared about tax at
schools
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.
As a result
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, fresh graduates are often confused about how to calculate their net income , especially during their first job. At a certain scale,
this
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 might lead to a financial loss. As an example, I once almost chose a lower-paying job because I calculated the tax wrongly since some companies only state the gross amount of income, which was very confusing for me back
then
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. Another benefit of teaching
students
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 fundamental
finance
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 is it enables them to avoid potential financial scams.
According to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent news, there is an increase in the crime rate in financial sectors, targeting those with limited understanding of financial instruments.
For example
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, there are a lot of scams on the internet selling a certain financial instrument to
people
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, claiming that it is risk-free. They focus on
people
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 with little amount of financial knowledge
such
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 as old
people
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. The old
people
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 end up giving a certain amount of money in the hope that they will get huge returns in a certain period of time.
However
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,
at the end
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 of the period, they are told that the investment failed and lost their money. If only
people
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 were familiar with financial basics, these kinds of scams could be avoided as no financial instruments are actually risk-free. In conclusion, I support the idea that
students
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 need to learn at
schools
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 how to financially survive, mainly because school is one of the main sources for learning.
Additionally
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, having a sufficient understanding of
finance
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 will help
people
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 make better decisions in their lives.

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task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the prompt by discussing both the benefits and challenges of teaching financial survival skills in schools. Also, consider the use of a more balanced argument by including potential counterarguments.
coherence & cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally good. However, try to use more cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs together more effectively.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource is strong, with a good range of vocabulary, especially in the area of finance.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally good. However, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and noun-verb agreement to ensure accurate and precise language.
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