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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
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Over the past few decades, the issue of brain drain has transcended national boundaries, becoming a global concern.
This
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 phenomenon is particularly pronounced in developing countries, where skilled professionals often seek better opportunities in post-industrial nations.
This
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 essay will delve into both sides of the argument, presenting contrasting viewpoints in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, high-demand jobs are the backbone of the country and significantly contribute to the nation’s GDP.
Therefore
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, the government allocates significant taxpayer money to universities and educational institutes where these subjects are conducted.
As a result
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, the majority of society argues that they must retain and serve their
people
Use synonyms
 to pay back their debts. Meanwhile, others reject the idea of keeping these
people
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 for the sake of debt repayment
while
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 admiring the freedom of choice and letting them leave.
In other words
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, these
people
Use synonyms
 have seen a noticeable migration trend primarily driven by the search for better economic opportunities and living standards.
For instance
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, Sri Lanka is one of the top countries, and highly qualified
people
Use synonyms
 have been moving to Western countries
such
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 as America, the United Kingdom, and Australia for the previous reason.
However
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, subject experts need help to expand their knowledge, just letting established in the motherland. Because some nations are more specialized in specific industries or areas, it can be fruitful for
people
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 in the same segment. Chiefly, back
then
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, America was the pinnacle of the semiconductor sector, and Taiwan decided to send its experts to get subject expertise and practical know-how. After a certain period, the government calls them back to initiate the chip industries locally. Now, Taiwan is the major supplier of microchips
while
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 surpassing America in a more significant step. Considering all aspects, society is apprehensive about the migration of knowledgeable individuals, fearing its potential to disrupt the local population and economy.
While
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 some accept
this
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 as a personal choice, in the long run, neither extreme is beneficial for anyone.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for educated individuals to venture beyond their horizons, expand their knowledge, and ultimately return to serve their country, thereby contributing to its long-term development and prosperity.
Submitted by magma8000 on

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language
Some sentences are slightly verbose and could be written more concisely. Try to reduce wordiness for better clarity.
structure
While your introduction and conclusion are effective, ensure that each main point in the body paragraphs is clearly aligned with a specific viewpoint, improving the contrast and making your argument even clearer.
task achievement
You have clearly presented both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, creating a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have used specific examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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