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Band 5

write a letter to the director .In your letter ,explain why you are writing and assistance they are seeking

#director #assistance
I am writing to refer Mr.Jim a
second world war
Correct your spelling
Second World War
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 veteran,who has undergone left inguinal hernia surgery .He and his wife
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
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Correct article usage
a pension
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pension
Correct article usage
a pension
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 and possible
home
Replace the word
assistance
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assistant
Replace the word
assistance
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.Now he is set to
be discharge
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be discharged
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 today.
Mr.
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Mr
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Jim was admitted on 7 July 2008 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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complaints of
hernia
Correct article usage
a hernia
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 for which he has undergone
the
Correct article usage
apply
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surgery.His postoperative days
was
Change the verb form
were
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 evenful.Now he
is being discharge
Change the verb form
is being discharged
is discharging
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 to
home
. Mr.Jim lives with his wife .Both of them
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lived
independent
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independently
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 and
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
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 by his various
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
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.Currently,
due to
 severe stock market falls,they could not manage their lives as before.His
wife
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wife's
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 general health condition is good
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 she was unable to contact the health facility because of her impaired hearing ability.So she was requested to them regarding pension. I would highly appreciate it
,
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apply
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 if you could arrange the transport facility for them.Kindly consider them to apply for
pension
Add an article
a pension
the pension
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.Please help them to arrange a
home
 visit to get
a clear information
Remove the article
clear information
a piece of clear information
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 and to provide them with
required
Correct article usage
the required
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home
assistant
Replace the word
assistance
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.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a proper greeting and closing in the letter.
coherence cohesion
Focus on one main idea per paragraph and provide clear and organized information.
coherence cohesion
Provide more specific information regarding the assistance being sought.
task achievement
Ensure that the letter fully addresses the purpose of writing and the assistance being sought.
task achievement
Maintain a polite and formal tone throughout the letter.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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