Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Today the whole spectrum of individuals just want to relish themselves rather than pay attention to the

religion

Replace the word

religious

show examples

and

Use synonyms

tradition

Replace the word

traditional

show examples

aspects which is associated with

festivals

Use synonyms

. I take issue with

this

Linking Words

view,

while

Linking Words

, excessive growth in technology has led to these parts of

festivals

Use synonyms

become forget

Wrong verb form

becoming forgotten

show examples

to some extent, there are those who make an effort to conserve these parts of ceremonies as a cultural heritage. In the

last

Linking Words

decades,

people

Use synonyms

have acknowledged the paramount importance of enjoyment in their lives, which has a profound impact on their longevity and productivity. By doing so, they take advantage of both religious and traditional ceremonies as a source of fun to

make

Verb problem

amuse

show examples

themselves

amused

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

. Wearing

latest

Correct article usage

the latest

show examples

customs, preparing meals, and decorating their house which are inspired by cutting-edge technology are the best examples of these activities which are related to

relish

Wrong verb form

relishing

show examples

the atmosphere without considering the

value

Use synonyms

tradition

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

, excessive advancement in technology

such

Linking Words

as social media underlines the

needs

Fix the agreement mistake

need

show examples

of representing

Change preposition

to represent

show examples

their fun

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

. The more they feel happy during

festivals

Use synonyms

, the more followers they can attract.

Resulting in

Verb problem

As a result

show examples

, individuals particularly

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

generation have become affected by

this

Linking Words

phenomenon which leads to

forget

Change the verb form

forgetting

show examples

integral

Correct article usage

the integral

show examples

part of

festivals

Use synonyms

In contrast

Linking Words

negative mentioned above, there are some reasons that illustrate

tradition

Use synonyms

and cultural part of

festivals

Use synonyms

are conserved by individuals.

Firstly

Linking Words

, there are numerous campaigns, holding ceremonies in society,

where

Correct word choice

that

show examples

encourage

people

Use synonyms

to make a contribution to

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

events.

This

Linking Words

action not only enhances their cultural consciousness but

also

Linking Words

promote

Correct subject-verb agreement

promotes

show examples

conventional

Add an article

the conventional

show examples

value

Use synonyms

of each ceremony.

This

Linking Words

in the long term,

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

people

Use synonyms

to appreciate the

value

Use synonyms

of their history.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, educational

establishment

Fix the agreement mistake

establishments

show examples

such

Linking Words

as schools try to impart knowledge by taking place

festivals

Use synonyms

in order to reinforce the

value

Use synonyms

tradition

Use synonyms

. By doing so, school children acquire a great deal of information

that is

Linking Words

more likely to conserve these aspects of

festivals

Use synonyms

as a cultural heritage.

Finally

Linking Words

, these activities

doing

Wrong verb form

done

show examples

by these organizations enhance

peoples

Change noun form

people's

show examples

interest regard to accepting old

religion

Fix the agreement mistake

religions

show examples

and

Use synonyms

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

To sum

Linking Words

Add a comma

up,

show examples

there are those who opine

tradition

Use synonyms

and religious part of

festivals

Use synonyms

have become obsolete and

people

Use synonyms

just want to derive benefit from these events to entertain themselves,

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

nevertheless

Linking Words

, I believe that these values are being preserved by

activity

Add an article

the activity

show examples

of educational

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

and

campaign

Fix the agreement mistake

campaigns

show examples

kimiaakhyani67

Oct 10, 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay, with well-segmented paragraphs and a progression of ideas that is easy to follow for the reader.

coherence cohesion

Develop arguments more fully, provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph, and delve deeper into the explanations of your main points, ensuring they directly relate to the essay question.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion should clearly present your perspective on the topic and summarise the main points of the essay, respectively. Aim to refine both to provide a more impactful opening and closing statement.

task achievement

Demonstrate a fully developed answer by ensuring that all parts of the task are addressed and that your position on the issue is clear throughout the essay. Expand on your explanation and justification of your viewpoint.

task achievement

Clarify and develop your ideas more comprehensively by providing elaboration, explanation, and examples where appropriate. Aim for more depth in the content of your essay.

task achievement

Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your main ideas. Examples should be directly related to the points being made and enhance the overall argument of the essay.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

380 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Commercialization
Globalization
Cultural dilution
Traditional values
Secularization
Festivity
Heritage
Individualism vs. collectivism
Consumer culture
Intangible cultural heritage

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In the opinion of some people, internet has narrowed the gap among people in the world by increasing social interaction. To what extent do you agree/disagree with this view?
These days, technology has been developing really fast, so populations have access to a range of social media; additionally, a group of people believe that social media has a lot of people in it that have interactions with each other; as a result, global inhabitants do not feel any gap. I subscribe to this idea owing to the fact that social media make a platform for visiting not only family but also friends from other countries; moreover, we can improve tourist industries.
8
band
You and your family are moving to another country for work, and you are looking to buy a house there. Write a letter to a property agent. In your letter: • Introduce yourself and your family • Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find • Give your preference for the location of the accommodation Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: To Whom it May Concern,
To Whom it May Concern,
6
band
Many people today are worried about the large quantities of waste produced by ordinary households. What problems are caused by household waste, and what solutions may be possible in both the short and long term?
In recent times, a lot of citizens have been concerned about the amount of trash produced by households. This phenomenon happens because the population has rocketed and aggravated with urban lifestyles. To solve these things in a short time, people should make a movement through environmental campaigns. In addition, the long-term solution is that people ought to use eco-friendly methods on a daily basis.
6.5
band
You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter * Describe the situation * Explain your problems and why it is difficult to work * Say what kind of accommodation you would prefer.
Subject: Request for Change of Room Due to Disturbances
6.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in what are the reasons for this? how can people research this?
Huge curiosity emerges since childhood and is nurtured by parents. As one of the consequences, nowadays it has become popular to find out the history of one’s properties. This essay will delve into the underlying reasons and share the resources to support the curious mindset.

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the opinion of some people, internet has narrowed the gap among people in the world by increasing social interaction. To what extent do you agree/disagree with this view?

Many people today are worried about the large quantities of waste produced by ordinary households. What problems are caused by household waste, and what solutions may be possible in both the short and long term?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in what are the reasons for this? how can people research this?