IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
The world has shown remarkable progress from the Stone Age to the world of technology. Every generation is getting more advanced and talented which has led to increasing competition in every aspect like acceptance in renowned universities, job opportunities, and many more. The prompt suggested that to cope, with the challenge
students
 should be focused on only academic studies. I strongly disagree with the prompt
due to
 two main reasons.
Firstly
, I agree that there is immense pressure to succeed in the
field
 of academics for younger generations.
However
, it is not a trivial matter to identify a personal interest in any particular
field
. An individual is more likely to excel in any
field
 when it aligns with their
field
 of interest. If schools just limit the
students
 to academics they might never get the opportunity to explore their interests in other non-academic tasks.
As
Correct word choice
Students
show examples
students
 are likely to rely on the schools and the teachers on
such
 matters. So, it's important to include a wide range of topics in school creating an environment to identify one's interest.
Further
, everyone needs a break, moments to enjoy and live. The different activities
besides
 the academics performed in the schools might act as a break from a monotonous studious environment. A fresh mind helps to capture the information more quickly increasing their efficacy. When the balance is strict between academic and non-academic activities it can boost their performance resulting in useful outputs. In conclusion,
overall
 on a large scale, a more positive impact of non-academic activities can be observed in the younger generations. So removing it might lead to some unwanted consequences badly affecting the mental health of young
students
.
Submitted by swikritishrestha90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are well-supported with evidence or explanation.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more varied and precise language.
grammatical range accuracy
Review your grammar and sentence structures to improve accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: