Many museums and historical sites are mostly visited by foreign tourists, but not local people. Why do you think it happens? What can be done to attract local visitors to these sites?

#museums #sites #tourists #people #visitors

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Nowadays, the large groups of

people

Use synonyms

visiting museums are dominantly from abroad.

This

Linking Words

essay provides my personal opinions of the background

why

Change preposition

of why

show examples

this

Linking Words

phenomenon happens.

In addition

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, it

also

Linking Words

displays suggestions to overcome

this

Linking Words

problem.

Firstly

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, I totally believe that

this

Linking Words

problem is caused by

lacking

Wrong verb form

the lack

show examples

of local

peoples'

Change noun form

people's

show examples

interest in visiting these historical sites. More and more local

people

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are only fascinated to spend their

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

somewhere where they value the most whilst foreign tourists opt to plan a trip to travel a country only to visit local

wisdoms

Change the wording

wisdom

pearls of wisdom

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, these local majorities prefer to go to destinations

such

Linking Words

as festivals and natures (mountains or ocean) rather than art

galeries

Correct your spelling

galleries

or tribal festivals.

Therefore

Linking Words

, these sites are only visited by vast groups of foreigners.

Secondly

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, I have several suggestions to overcome

this

Linking Words

unique case. I assume preserving the value of these places is highly needed. Local

people

Use synonyms

can start these strategies in schools and teenagers.

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

step will likely assist children to put more interest

Change preposition

into

show examples

museums.

For instance

Linking Words

, Teachers can arrange a study tour or a benchmarking in these areas. Students may learn a plethora of information regarding arts and past heroes or heroines which are only provided in special areas like museums. In conclusion,

Eventhough

Correct your spelling

even though

the reason behind

this

Linking Words

crutial

Correct your spelling

crucial

critical

case is the less interest of society around

towards

Change preposition

apply

show examples

local

wisdoms

Change the wording

wisdom

pearls of wisdom

show examples

people

Use synonyms

can always have a chance to recover from

this

Linking Words

social dilemma.

Thus

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, maintaining youth and elders is the perfect step to deal with

this

Linking Words

case.

Therefore

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, a vast generation of locals will visit these sites more in the future.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Tue Oct 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

You need to ensure that your essay has a more cohesive structure with clearer progression of ideas throughout. Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using a range of linking words and cohesive devices.

coherence cohesion

Make sure the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and effectively summarize the main points of your essay. The conclusion should concisely restate the thesis and main points without introducing new information.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your main points are well-supported by specific examples and evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing. Avoid being too general; use specific and detailed examples whenever possible.

task achievement

To fully respond to the task, ensure you address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Your essay should clearly answer why locals do not frequent museums and historical sites as well as propose concrete solutions.

task achievement

Develop clear, comprehensive ideas that directly respond to the task. Your essay shows potential, but you can enhance clarity by focusing more on the reasons behind the trend and on practical recommendations.

task achievement

Include relevant specific examples to illustrate your points, which will help you achieve a higher score. Examples should be detailed and directly tied to the arguments you are making.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Many museums and historical sites are mostly visited by foreign tourists, but not local people. Why do you think it happens? What can be done to attract local visitors to these sites?

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of people’s lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

It is often said that the government spend too much money on the projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problem that are more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In some countries, more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this question?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

: In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages