IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

the chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sport activities by youngest and oldest population in the US in 2015.

the chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sport activities by youngest and oldest population in the US in 2015.
#hours #leisure #sport #activities #population
The graph illustrates the median hours the young and old generations spent on their entertainment and physical activities in the year 2015. It can be clearly observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most of the people from both age groups preferred to spend their
time
 watching television,
while
 the youngsters
utlized
Correct your spelling
utilised
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 smallest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of their
time
 to do relaxing or
thinking
Replace the word
think
show examples
.
Moreover
, elders spend the
lowest
Correct word choice
least
show examples
time
 on sports and recreation. Based on the observations, watching TV, reading and socializing
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people over 75.
Furthermore
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of them wasted around 4.5 hours each day to entertain by TV.
However
, the old people only used around 15 minutes for workouts and similar tasks.
In contrast
, compared to
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
show examples
 generation, adolescent employment in television was as low as 2.5 hours. The second highest attention of ages 15-19 was on playing games or using
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 as a free
time
 activity.
Submitted by prarthana1r on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • average hours
  • leisure activities
  • sport activities
  • youngest population
  • oldest population
  • trends
  • differences
  • data
  • overview
  • body paragraph
  • introduction
  • conclusion
  • summarize
  • observations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: