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Writing Samples
Band 5

the chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sport activities by youngest and oldest population in the US in 2015.

the chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sport activities by youngest and oldest population in the US in 2015.
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The graph illustrates the median hours the young and old generations spent on their entertainment and physical activities in the year 2015. It can be clearly observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 most of the people from both age groups preferred to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 watching television,
while
Linking Words
 the youngsters
utlized
Correct your spelling
utilised
a
Change the article
the
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 smallest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of their
time
Use synonyms
 to do relaxing or
thinking
Replace the word
think
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, elders spend the
lowest
Correct word choice
least
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time
Use synonyms
 on sports and recreation. Based on the observations, watching TV, reading and socializing
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people over 75.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of them wasted around 4.5 hours each day to entertain by TV.
However
Linking Words
, the old people only used around 15 minutes for workouts and similar tasks.
In contrast
Linking Words
, compared to
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
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 generation, adolescent employment in television was as low as 2.5 hours. The second highest attention of ages 15-19 was on playing games or using
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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 as a free
time
Use synonyms
 activity.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • average hours
  • leisure activities
  • sport activities
  • youngest population
  • oldest population
  • trends
  • differences
  • data
  • overview
  • body paragraph
  • introduction
  • conclusion
  • summarize
  • observations
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