Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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It is believed by some that the escalation of
sports
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facilities
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is the best thing that can be done to improve public
health
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.
While
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,
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apply
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others deem that
this
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would not have much impact on public
health
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.
This
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essay
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supports the latter view and believes that addressing
pollution
Correct article usage
the pollution
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problem and free medical
care
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would help to improve public
health
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. Building more
sport
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sports
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facilities
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in residential areas would encourage more people to follow their fitness regime. When they
would
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have easy access to
sports
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centers, they would get more opportunities to get
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
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physical
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in physical
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exercises, which
in
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as
show examples
Correct article usage
a results
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results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
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, would benefit their physical and cognitive abilities.
For instance
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, India which is a developing nation has built various
sports
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facilities
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almost in every area, which inspired
number
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a number
the number
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of individuals to take part in their favorite
sports
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activity.
This
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essay
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,
however
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, believes that
this
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would not help the people who are suffering from incurable diseases and need medical treatment. Providing free medical
care
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,
on the other hand
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, can support public
health
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more.
One
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For one
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who is suffering from
deadly
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a deadly
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disease
such
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as cancer, and cannot afford the expensive treatment,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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free medical
care
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can offer a great help in that situation, not sport
facilities
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.
Moreover
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, taking some important steps towards the pollution problem can help individuals
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffering
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from respiratory problems
such
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as asthma.
This
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essay
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,
therefore
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, argues that public
health
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would
get
Verb problem
apply
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improve by focusing on some other significant issues rather than increasing
sports
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facilities
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. In conclusion,
although
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sports
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facilities
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would benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
health
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to some extent,
this
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essay
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believes that free medical
care
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and serious steps towards
pollution
Correct article usage
the pollution
show examples
problem can be more advantageous.
Submitted by meghnabawa91 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clear and well-developed.
lexical resource
Avoid using general statements and provide more specific information.
grammatical range accuracy
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and well-structured.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear opinion and a proper conclusion. Make sure to provide a clearer stance and summarize your main points in the conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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