Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
It is believed by some that the escalation of
sports
facilities
is the best thing that can be done to improve public health
. While
,
others deem that Remove the comma
apply
this
would not have much impact on public health
. This
essay
supports the latter view and believes that addressing pollution
problem and free medical Correct article usage
the pollution
care
would help to improve public health
.
Building more sport
Change the noun form
sports
facilities
in residential areas would encourage more people to follow their fitness regime. When they would
have easy access to Verb problem
apply
sports
centers, they would get more opportunities to get involve
Wrong verb form
involved
physical
exercises, which Change preposition
in physical
in
Change preposition
as
Correct article usage
a results
results
, would benefit their physical and cognitive abilities. Fix the agreement mistake
result
For instance
, India which is a developing nation has built various sports
facilities
almost in every area, which inspired number
of individuals to take part in their favorite Change the article
a number
the number
sports
activity. This
essay
, however
, believes that this
would not help the people who are suffering from incurable diseases and need medical treatment.
Providing free medical care
, on the other hand
, can support public health
more. One
who is suffering from Change preposition
For one
deadly
disease Add an article
a deadly
such
as cancer, and cannot afford the expensive treatment, the
free medical Correct article usage
apply
care
can offer a great help in that situation, not sport facilities
. Moreover
, taking some important steps towards the pollution problem can help individuals suffer
from respiratory problems Wrong verb form
suffering
such
as asthma. This
essay
, therefore
, argues that public health
would get
improve by focusing on some other significant issues rather than increasing Verb problem
apply
sports
facilities
.
In conclusion, although
sports
facilities
would benefit the
public Correct article usage
apply
health
to some extent, this
essay
believes that free medical care
and serious steps towards pollution
problem can be more advantageous.Correct article usage
the pollution
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clear and well-developed.
lexical resource
Avoid using general statements and provide more specific information.
grammatical range accuracy
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and well-structured.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear opinion and a proper conclusion. Make sure to provide a clearer stance and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
Your opinion
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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?