There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Nowadays, there are various genres of
music
and its importance for the human race has been widely acknowledged.
This
essay will elucidate the underlying reasons why the existence of
music
is essential in our lives.
Additionally
, it will discuss whether a country's traditional
music
holds a more important position than international
music
and why I disagree with the statement.
Music
has played a pivotal role in influencing the life of our society regardless of where we live. Historically, humans have used
music
as a form of art and expression.
For instance
, the Arabs developed percussions as their traditional musical instruments to show their identity as a nation that upheld vigour ways of life. Nowadays, people listen to
music
for various reasons,
such
as relaxing and as a means to light up their moods.
Music
can even be economically profitable for many people as they can earn money by making
music
.
This
shows how
music
has been essential for our identity, well-being, and even our economic sustainability. Despite the universal acceptance of the significance of
music
, there is still a debate about whether traditional
music
is more important than international
music
.
This
contention stems from the fact that international
music
gains more popularity which eventually threatens the existence of traditional
music
.
However
, I strongly believe that all genre of
music
is equal, nothing is better or more significant than others. Choosing which
music
to listen to is a manifestation of individual taste. The deterioration of people's interest in traditional
music
should be seen as an inevitable development of our culture,
instead
of a threat. In conclusion,
music
has been an essential element in humans' lives as shown by the positive impacts that it brings in our society.
However
, it should be noted that all
music
genres are equally important to be preserved.
Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are adequately presented. However, consider providing more solid transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response to the task is complete and the ideas are clear and comprehensive. Well-supported main points and relevant examples have been provided. Make sure to address the traditional music vs international music argument in more depth to fully respond to the task question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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