There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country

Nowadays, there are various genres of

music

and its importance for the human race has been widely acknowledged.

This

essay will elucidate the underlying reasons why the existence of

music

is essential in our lives.

Additionally

, it will discuss whether a country's traditional

music

holds a more important position than international

music

and why I disagree with the statement.

Music

has played a pivotal role in influencing the life of our society regardless of where we live. Historically, humans have used

music

as a form of art and expression.

For instance

, the Arabs developed percussions as their traditional musical instruments to show their identity as a nation that upheld vigour ways of life. Nowadays, people listen to

music

for various reasons,

such

as relaxing and as a means to light up their moods.

Music

can even be economically profitable for many people as they can earn money by making

music

This

shows how

music

has been essential for our identity, well-being, and even our economic sustainability. Despite the universal acceptance of the significance of

music

, there is still a debate about whether traditional

music

is more important than international

music

This

contention stems from the fact that international

music

gains more popularity which eventually threatens the existence of traditional

music

However

, I strongly believe that all genre of

music

is equal, nothing is better or more significant than others. Choosing which

music

to listen to is a manifestation of individual taste. The deterioration of people's interest in traditional

music

should be seen as an inevitable development of our culture,

instead

of a threat. In conclusion,

music

has been an essential element in humans' lives as shown by the positive impacts that it brings in our society.

However

, it should be noted that all

music

genres are equally important to be preserved.

Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on Wed Oct 11 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are adequately presented. However, consider providing more solid transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The response to the task is complete and the ideas are clear and comprehensive. Well-supported main points and relevant examples have been provided. Make sure to address the traditional music vs international music argument in more depth to fully respond to the task question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays in many countries chemicals are used to produce and preserve food. Do the dangers associated with the use of chemicals in food production outweigh the advantages?

Some people think studying in groups is better, while some think self study is better for school students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people believe that it’s not necessary to have internet access to live a full life. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

To what extent do you agree or disagree? It is increasingly difficult to feed everyone in the world today. Some people believe that the best solution to solve is issue is for scientists to discover new ways of producing food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaur, dodo…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?