There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country

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Nowadays, there are various genres of

music

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and its importance for the human race has been widely acknowledged.

This

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essay will elucidate the underlying reasons why the existence of

music

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is essential in our lives.

Additionally

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, it will discuss whether a country's traditional

music

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holds a more important position than international

music

Use synonyms

and why I disagree with the statement.

Music

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has played a pivotal role in influencing the life of our society regardless of where we live. Historically, humans have used

music

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as a form of art and expression.

For instance

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, the Arabs developed percussions as their traditional musical instruments to show their identity as a nation that upheld vigour ways of life. Nowadays, people listen to

music

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for various reasons,

such

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as relaxing and as a means to light up their moods.

Music

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can even be economically profitable for many people as they can earn money by making

music

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This

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shows how

music

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has been essential for our identity, well-being, and even our economic sustainability. Despite the universal acceptance of the significance of

music

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, there is still a debate about whether traditional

music

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is more important than international

music

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This

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contention stems from the fact that international

music

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gains more popularity which eventually threatens the existence of traditional

music

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However

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, I strongly believe that all genre of

music

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is equal, nothing is better or more significant than others. Choosing which

music

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to listen to is a manifestation of individual taste. The deterioration of people's interest in traditional

music

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should be seen as an inevitable development of our culture,

instead

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of a threat. In conclusion,

music

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has been an essential element in humans' lives as shown by the positive impacts that it brings in our society.

However

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, it should be noted that all

music

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genres are equally important to be preserved.

Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on Wed Oct 11 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are adequately presented. However, consider providing more solid transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The response to the task is complete and the ideas are clear and comprehensive. Well-supported main points and relevant examples have been provided. Make sure to address the traditional music vs international music argument in more depth to fully respond to the task question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

301 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

International tourism is now more common than ever before. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not. What are your opinions on this?

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

It is commonly said that today's children are facing huge challenges. This essay indent to discuss the causes of these pressures and give some suggestions to solve them.