There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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Nowadays, there are various genres of
music
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and its importance for the human race has been widely acknowledged.
This
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essay will elucidate the underlying reasons why the existence of
music
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is essential in our lives.
Additionally
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, it will discuss whether a country's traditional
music
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holds a more important position than international
music
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and why I disagree with the statement.
Music
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has played a pivotal role in influencing the life of our society regardless of where we live. Historically, humans have used
music
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as a form of art and expression.
For instance
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, the Arabs developed percussions as their traditional musical instruments to show their identity as a nation that upheld vigour ways of life. Nowadays, people listen to
music
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for various reasons,
such
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as relaxing and as a means to light up their moods.
Music
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can even be economically profitable for many people as they can earn money by making
music
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.
This
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shows how
music
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has been essential for our identity, well-being, and even our economic sustainability. Despite the universal acceptance of the significance of
music
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, there is still a debate about whether traditional
music
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is more important than international
music
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.
This
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contention stems from the fact that international
music
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gains more popularity which eventually threatens the existence of traditional
music
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.
However
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, I strongly believe that all genre of
music
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is equal, nothing is better or more significant than others. Choosing which
music
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to listen to is a manifestation of individual taste. The deterioration of people's interest in traditional
music
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should be seen as an inevitable development of our culture,
instead
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of a threat. In conclusion,
music
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has been an essential element in humans' lives as shown by the positive impacts that it brings in our society.
However
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, it should be noted that all
music
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genres are equally important to be preserved.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are adequately presented. However, consider providing more solid transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response to the task is complete and the ideas are clear and comprehensive. Well-supported main points and relevant examples have been provided. Make sure to address the traditional music vs international music argument in more depth to fully respond to the task question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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