There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been a debate on excluding physical
education
and cookery from the syllabus to concentrate on academics only. I firmly believe the statement and agree to ease
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the pressure on
students
by not adding these
subjects
that do not produce substantial outcomes in
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
academics. It is important to understand the importance of physical
education
and cookery could benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain individuals based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interest level.
For example
, if the student is planning to pursue
his
Change the word
a
show examples
career in accounting or healthcare
then
there is no need to learn
subjects
that would not add value in future. It is just
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
matter of adding the extra pressure and diverting the focus on those
subjects
.
However
, they would eventually compromise their studies and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
be behind
to achieve
Change preposition
in achieving
show examples
the desired score. It
is
Change the verb form
also needs
show examples
also
need to understand that achieving the real outcomes in exams is not the ultimate goal. Understanding and gaining the knowledge would help them to land a position where
students
can excel and benefit the company they are working for. To cater
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
dilemma,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
system must keep these two
subjects
optional for
students
and let them decide whether a student
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
interested
to opt
Verb problem
in
show examples
the subject or not.
To conclude
my essay, I have
a strong sentiments
Correct the article-noun agreement
a strong sentiment
strong sentiments
show examples
and stand in support of removing physical
education
and cookery
subjects
from the syllabus or at least
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
this
choice
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
students
to ease the pressure of
acedemics
Correct your spelling
academics
on them.
Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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