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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The use of mobile phone is as anti social as smoking is baned in certain places , and so mobile phones should be banned.Agree or disagree?

#phone #places #phones
According to
 on growing world , mobile
phones
 have become a daily part of their life . So some
goods
Fix the agreement mistake
good
show examples
 steps are taken
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
restriction
Replace the word
restrict
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smoking in plenty of places ,
therefore
 ,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of mobile
phones
 should
also
 be kept down to different places. I strongly agree with
this
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 for
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 reasons.
Firstly
,
motive
Add an article
the motive
a motive
show examples
 to ban smoking is good for plenty of reasons following
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it , mobile
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
 restriction is depending
open
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
 the public area . By counting
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 as a point , smoking is totally ban
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 at some point mobile
phones
 are allowed. Respectively ,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
 don’t get
aside
Rephrase
away
show examples
 from them ,
while
 distraction and disturbance take place
also
 for others, so totally banning
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 can help them
as well as
 other for concentration and keeping
clam
Correct your spelling
calm
show examples
 at
such
 places can
be count
Change the verb form
be counted
show examples
 as an advantage.
Furthermore
, an example
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a company prohibiting smoking but allowing
phones
 to clients or employers can
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative effects towards
company
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the company
a company
show examples
.
Refering
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Referring
it
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to it
show examples
 ,
while
 in
meeting
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the meeting
a meeting
show examples
 , an employer
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
using
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
 can express a bad image to company seniors , and
also
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the decorum of the meeting.Followed by another example
at
Add a missing verb
is at
show examples
 school , teachers sometimes get caught
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using
phones
 ,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which the flow of concentration by students towards studies get distracted.
Moreover
, peers can catch
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea of using a
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 in class ,
this
 things
catches
Change the verb form
catch
show examples
 all in a group and mischief things start to organised.
Submitted by vedantsinh.gohil.2710 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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