IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Living in a contry where you have to speak foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as pratical problems

#contry #language
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At present, it is
enomoursly
Correct your spelling
enormously
 evident that the people who live in a country should speak foreign languages for their needs and to create relationships among other neighbours. If
its
Change the pronoun
it
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 seems to be difficult that leads to both social and practical problems.
This
Linking Words
 is because poor poverty, lack of education, skills and cultural barriers, these causes make the persons
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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feel insecure
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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interrelationships
Fix the agreement mistake
interrelationship
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 breakdowns will be seen.
Firstly
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, the youngsters who shift from his or her own country
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their jobs might
feel
Verb problem
find it
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 difficult to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their official
language
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, workers
such
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 as clerk, house keep[ers, drivers,
shop keepers
Correct your spelling
shopkeepers
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 and garbage cleaner who want them to speak
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 their job and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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earn money is the primary goal. In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
situation
situations
suitations
Add a comma
suitations,
show examples
 miscommunication could be observed constantly which might
leads
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lead
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 to loosening their position of employment.
Secondly
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, parents
oftently
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often
 face
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
suitations
Correct your spelling
situations
 like both social and practical issues
while
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 getting admission
in
Change preposition
to
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 schools for their little roots, they might perceive
inferiority
Correct article usage
an inferiority
show examples
 complex, anxiety,fear and depression. To illustrate, the
schools
Change to a genitive case
school's
schools'
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administrations
Fix the agreement mistake
administration
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look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
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 at their
caretakers
Change to a genitive case
caretaker's
caretakers'
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language
Use synonyms
 and their
commication
Correct your spelling
communication
 for picking up the
childrens
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children
show examples
.
In addition
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, they notice how proficient on their official
language
Use synonyms
,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 circumstances they pull into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health problems.
Besides
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due to
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 the
language
Use synonyms
 spoken in their home and environmental settings,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be dissimilar
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, both
juvenilies
Correct your spelling
juveniles
juvenile
 and their guardians face the tough states in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, the social and practical complications
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
due to
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 less proficiency
in
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particular
Add an article
a particular
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language
Use synonyms
 will take the
one's
Change noun form
ones
show examples
 into
pressurizing
Correct article usage
a pressurizing
show examples
 life
while
Linking Words
 demanding them to speak in a
foreiogn
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
Use synonyms
. I believe there will be a risk
ofg
Correct your spelling
of
 interaction with their peer groups and
also
Linking Words
 consume lots of stress, frustration and bond will be separated among families, mainly with
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
The essay does not fully address the task as there is no clear mention of the social problems and only a brief mention of practical problems. Make sure to clearly discuss both aspects of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion, they lack depth and do not provide a summary of the main points. Develop the introduction to provide a clearer overview of the essay and revise the conclusion to summarize the main ideas.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to support the main points. Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen the arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. There are several errors and awkward phrases in the essay. Proofread and revise the essay to improve grammatical range and accuracy.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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