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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Virtual reality be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reality #tool #interventions #health #treatments
The increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 technology development has
give
Change the verb form
given
show examples
 us the opportunity
of using
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to use
show examples
 new tools in order to replace human
work
, some of these applications include medicine like therapeutic interventions and mental health treatment.
However
, though implementing technology
such
 as virtual reality can help us to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 easier and faster, I think that
this
 is not always
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
.
Firstly
, there is some
work
 that
people
 do every day that can be easily replaced by some
machines
. I agree with
this
 only if the
work
 is tedious and hard for humans, so
then
 they won't have to do it. In some factories especially the ones dedicated to
construct
Change the verb form
constructing
show examples
 things like cars
for example
 Tesla most of the
work
 is done by
machines
 because is faster,
while
people
 only have to supervise them and make sure everything is in order. In these cases, the
machines
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 all the hard
work
 so that
people
 won't have to do it, it is beneficial for both companies and society.
On the other hand
, there are some
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of jobs that can not be replaced easily by technologies
such
 as virtual reality because, in my opinion, it's better for a human to do it. These
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of works include the ones that can put in risk
people
's lives,
for example
, everything related
with
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to
show examples
 medical procedures
sucha
Correct your spelling
such
 as brain surgeries or something less complicated like therapy. I don't believe technology is advanced enough to replace
instantly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
these jobs,
besides
Correct word choice
apply
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I think
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 touch is always necessary to going through these medical
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 and they can be more careful and aware of their commitment
with
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to
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 the
pacient's
Correct your spelling
patient's
 life. Nowadays some
work
made
Verb problem
done
show examples
 by humans has been replaced
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
machines
, but I think
this
 is only
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anyone's life is put
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk. Even though
machines
 can get into the medical field, these should only be used as a tool for help
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not to replace the doctor's
work
 completely.
Submitted by dannie.sanval on

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task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt in your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer and more concise introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive environments
  • anxiety
  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • phobia
  • exposure therapy
  • controlled setting
  • desensitization
  • social anxiety
  • stress reduction
  • real-time monitoring
  • therapeutic interventions
  • mental health treatments
  • digital divide
  • accessibility
  • cost-effectiveness
  • innovative solutions
  • face-to-face interactions
  • traditional therapeutic settings
  • gradual confrontation
  • calming environments
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