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Band 5.5

Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. why might this be the case? is this a positive or negative trend?

#believe #people #interest #culture #country #region #be #case #trend
It is believed that the new generation
show
Change the verb form
shows
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 indifference to local customs and
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 reluctant
about embracing
Change preposition
to embrace
show examples
 their
traditions
.
This
 occurrence might
be happened
Wrong verb form
happen
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due to
 various reasons and from my point of view has a negative effect on society.
Firstly
, it appears that globalization in developed regions has tremendously affected people’s perspectives towards local customs or beliefs. There is no denying that advances in technology caused a hectic
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 in many communities, which in turn gradually makes the erosion of old
traditions
.
For instance
, many people now
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
show examples
 celebrate foreign ceremonies rather than the traditional celebrations of their country, which is often seen as outdated
by comparison
.
Similarly
, many would rather try exotic 'foreign' foods than use traditional recipes, which they might see as dull or old-fashioned.
Although
 being
acquaintance
Replace the word
acquainted
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 with the culture of other countries is considered a value,
on the other hand
, forgetting the local
traditions
 has negative effects. The loss of traditional culture is closely linked with
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of identity and belonging to a community.
For example
,
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
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 cultural beliefs
attach
Correct subject-verb agreement
attaches
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 you like a thread to other people in society and makes you able to experience common feelings and be able to share them.
Furthermore
,
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of particular customs and
traditions
 means the world will be homogeneous and diversity will disappear.
This
 would
highly
Add a missing verb
be highly
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 detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the economies in society including
tourism
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the tourism
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 industry. If there is no cultural difference in societies,
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 will lose their motivation to travel to different countries.
As a result
,
although
 it is impossible to stop the advancement of technology and its impact on societies, governments can make arrangements to keep the old
traditions
 alive.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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