IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: “Children nowadays have too much freedom.”

#“children #freedom
There is no denying the fact that
freedom
 is a complex matter.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that there is too much
freedom
 for the young generation, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
children
 nowadays have a lot of
freedom
 compared with the old generation.
To begin
 with,
children
 nowadays have more
freedom
 compared to previous generations.
In other words
, we can say that social media gives them a lot of
freedom
 of speech.
In addition
, Too much
freedom
 can lead to negative behaviour.
For example
, it will affect their morals and ethics which will lead to disrespect for adults. Another point to consider
Add a missing verb
is, Children
show examples
,
Correct your spelling
that children
Children
 need guidance and boundaries to develop properly. It is
also
 possible to say that, it is not a good idea to give
children
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
absolute
freedom
,
Moreover
, Balancing
freedom
 and responsibility is crucial for
children
's development.
For instance
, to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good members of society it is a good idea to give them
freedom
 but with suitable boundaries. In conclusion, despite people having different views,
freedom
 is a difficult matter, and all parties should realize its importance but within the right guidance and boundaries.
Submitted by abdelaah.12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
grammatical range and accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Permissive
  • Authoritarian
  • Child-rearing
  • Peer pressure
  • Independence
  • Oversight
  • Boundaries
  • Parental guidance
  • Safeguards
  • Social dynamics
  • Maturation
  • Cognitive development
  • Moral compass
  • Digital footprint
  • Proactive supervision
What to do next:
Look at other essays: