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Band 7

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
In most rustics, it is mandatory for young adults to join the military forces once they finish their secondary education. It is considered to be beneficial for both sexes in all the nations worldwide. In my view, it has both positive
as well as
 negative impacts on people's lives
as well as
 on the economy. I will argue about
this
 in my essay below.
To begin
 with, many countries made
this
 obligatory for the young generation to choose the
army
 as their profession.
Although
 it is a good choice for them. They learn to maintain discipline and become strong enough to face any challenge with courage.
Moreover
, it helps them to enhance their personality which in turn boosts their confidence level.
Furthermore
, making it compulsory to join these services
also
 has a negative effect on their mental
as well as
 physical health.
Everyone
 wants to chase their own dreams, some want to become doctors, engineers, and businesses not
everyone
 wants to become an
army
 officer. So, it is against their desire they show the least interest
hence
instead
 of producing cream they are generating patients. Their mind will always stuck in the field of their own choice
hence
 making them confused and least interested.
On the other hand
, badly affects the economy of the nations
due to
 these rules if
everyone
 joins the
army
 what happens to other
sectors
? Like businesses, health
sectors
, and education
sectors
 their quality automatically decreased because their whole focus is on one side
that is
 toward
army
 forces. In conclusion, it is beneficial for some people but not all, it is important to maintain balance between all
sectors
.
Therefore
, making
this
 essential for young ones is not advantageous for
everyone
hence
, it is better for youth to select a career of their own choice and make their names in that sector.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly by providing more specific examples and elaborating on your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay more logically. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that your main points are supported with relevant details.
grammatical range accuracy
Watch your grammar and sentence structure. Make sure to use proper punctuation and verb tenses.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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