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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#information #department #stores #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
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The given chart compares four criteria namely number of businesses, profit, sales revenue and growth between Australia physical
stores
Use synonyms
 and Internet-based
stores
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can obviously be seen that
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
all the figures for e-shops were higher than those for department
stores
Use synonyms
. The rates of general growth of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 types of
stores
Use synonyms
 were approximately equivalent The number of businesses
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online
stores
Use synonyms
 was 368, nearly five times higher than the figure for outlets with 67.
Although
Linking Words
 there was a huge gap between the number of businesses, the profit of both did not have much difference, with 807
AUD
Use synonyms
 for offline
stores
Use synonyms
 and 863
AUD
Use synonyms
 for online ones. It can be concluded that the physical
stores
Use synonyms
 had higher efficiency compared with the online boutiques. In 2011, the former earned 12700
AUD
Use synonyms
 dollars
while
Linking Words
 the latter yielded 13400
AUD
Use synonyms
 dollars, not too much difference.
Submitted by nn.dieuquynh on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words stores, aud with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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