IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others thinks it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#range #technology #people #gap #effect
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Nowadays, the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 has increased rapidly and
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this
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these
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 products play an important role
of
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in
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 human life. Some
people
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 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological devices are
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 the distance between
the
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apply
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wealthy
people
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 and
the
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apply
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poverty
people
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while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others consider that it would diminish the gap. In the following essay, I will discuss
about
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apply
show examples
views. On the one hand, with the spread of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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,
technology
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also
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 has been accomplished in many fields.
This
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 leads to some obvious truth
such
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wealthy
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as wealthy
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people
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 could always more access the capabilities of
technology
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 than other
people
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,
for example
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 in the form of health condition, a medical groundbreaking invention are difficult to approach everyone because of the expensive equipment. Many poor
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 in the world who are affected by deadly diseases are
duying
Correct your spelling
dying
buying
 because they are poor and cannot pay high prices for their treatment
while
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 the rich
people
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 could
rearch
Correct your spelling
research
reach
this
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 in a timely and prompt manner
for
Change preposition
to
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 save their health. In
this
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 situation, it is clear to say that, caused of
technology
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, the differences between rich and poor
was
Verb problem
have
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 increased.
On the other hand
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, with the evolution of the Internet and Smartphones,
along with
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 the diversification of products and prices,
this
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 makes it possible for almost everyone can come closer to the product.
For example
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in
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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form
of
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apply
show examples
having
Smartphone
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a Smartphone
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,
every one
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everyone
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 can connect with each other and access a lot of
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 and
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 around them.
Furthermore
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, online shopping facilities, e-learning opportunities and
scoical
Correct your spelling
social
 networking sites are available to both
a
Correct article usage
apply
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wealthy and poor
people
Use synonyms
 in the world. In
this
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 way, improvements in
technology
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 would reduce the gaps between the rich and the poor. In conclusion, even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 it would
make
Verb problem
have
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benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 effects on the poor, there are more positive influences on wealth. The reason is the fact that there would be more
accasion
Correct your spelling
occasion
 to obtain money from
technology
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 if
people
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 expend more
moneys
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money
amounts of money
sums of money
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for
Change preposition
on
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 new innovations or
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
.
Submitted by khoiminhnguyen1411 on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to express your overall opinion.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay better by using paragraphs to separate and organize your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
grammatical range accuracy
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure.
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