IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time on e-learning. However, television or computers cannot replace the book as learning tool, which is why children are less well educated today. To what extend to you agree with this statement.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, the paramount learning
Use synonyms
tool
Change the noun form
tools
show examples
 are television and computers become popular among adolescents
thus
Linking Words
 these children are lagging behind
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their counterparts who utilize
books
Use synonyms
 as their learning tools. I
am strongly agree
Change the verb form
strongly agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement, let us delve
further
Linking Words
 in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs to clear the vision. To advent, in the pandemic phase
e-
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
learning
Correct your spelling
e-learning
prove
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 indispensable
tool
Use synonyms
 in education,
Linking Words
besides
Change preposition
apply
show examples
applications
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 limited
knowledge
Use synonyms
 thereby students have not comprehended their subject clearly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, reading
books
Use synonyms
balance
Correct subject-verb agreement
balances
show examples
 the equilibrium of intellect in the upbringing
child
Wrong verb form
of children
show examples
 whereby they become
perceive
Wrong verb form
perceived
show examples
 in both
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of their subject and life. It is evident by a glaring example
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
depicts that 90% of successful
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in the world adhere
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
books
Use synonyms
. E-learning is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
the crucial
show examples
 precipitate of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
laziness among children.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they remains
front
Change preposition
in front
show examples
 of
display
Add an article
a display
the display
show examples
 of their computer , tend
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couch potato. Learning tools of application engross the
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
attention of students which have elevated the mental and physical issues among them.
Books
Use synonyms
 have
written
Add a missing verb
been written
show examples
 with
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 and investigations
thus
Linking Words
 learners
occur
Verb problem
acquire
show examples
 ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
satiable
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, experts have attributed the rising rate of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 failing in their secondary classes in the
last
Linking Words
 five years to e-learning methods.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
show examples
 displays cannot replace
books
Use synonyms
 as a learning
tool
Use synonyms
 as these mediums have only limited application to teach new things.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , I reckon that,
books
Use synonyms
 are conspicuous
Use synonyms
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
show examples
 as compared to e-learning.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 addition, parents should devote their attention and stimulate their children to read
books
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
acquire
Change the verb form
acquiring
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
 from
e- learning
Correct your spelling
e-learning
 tools.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: