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Writing Samples
Band 4

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time on e-learning. However, television or computers cannot replace the book as learning tool, which is why children are less well educated today. To what extend to you agree with this statement.

#children #time #television #computers #book #tool
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In
this
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 contemporary era, the paramount learning
Use synonyms
tool
Change the noun form
tools
show examples
 are television and computers become popular among adolescents
thus
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 these children are lagging behind
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their counterparts who utilize
books
Use synonyms
 as their learning tools. I
am strongly agree
Change the verb form
strongly agree
show examples
 with
this
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 statement, let us delve
further
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 in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs to clear the vision. To advent, in the pandemic phase
e-
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
learning
Correct your spelling
e-learning
prove
Correct your spelling
proven
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as
Correct your spelling
an
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 indispensable
tool
Use synonyms
 in education,
Linking Words
besides
Change preposition
apply
show examples
applications
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 limited
knowledge
Use synonyms
 thereby students have not comprehended their subject clearly.
Furthermore
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, reading
books
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balance
Correct subject-verb agreement
balances
show examples
 the equilibrium of intellect in the upbringing
child
Wrong verb form
of children
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 whereby they become
perceive
Wrong verb form
perceived
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 in both
knowledge
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 of their subject and life. It is evident by a glaring example
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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depicts that 90% of successful
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 in the world adhere
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
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books
Use synonyms
. E-learning is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
the crucial
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 precipitate of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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laziness among children.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they remains
front
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in front
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 of
display
Add an article
a display
the display
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 of their computer , tend
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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couch potato. Learning tools of application engross the
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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attention of students which have elevated the mental and physical issues among them.
Books
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 have
written
Add a missing verb
been written
show examples
 with
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
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 of
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 and investigations
thus
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 learners
occur
Verb problem
acquire
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 ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
satiable
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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, experts have attributed the rising rate of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 failing in their secondary classes in the
last
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 five years to e-learning methods.
Therefore
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,
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
show examples
 displays cannot replace
books
Use synonyms
 as a learning
tool
Use synonyms
 as these mediums have only limited application to teach new things.
To conclude
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 , I reckon that,
books
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 are conspicuous
Use synonyms
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
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 as compared to e-learning.
To
Change preposition
In
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 addition, parents should devote their attention and stimulate their children to read
books
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instead
Linking Words
 of
acquire
Change the verb form
acquiring
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
 from
e- learning
Correct your spelling
e-learning
 tools.
Submitted by tarsempannu5637 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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