IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be byeee to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate that a successful
career
Use synonyms
 is only possible by graduating from higher institutions
instead
Linking Words
 of getting directly involved in the workplace. I believe that both side have their own perspective;
however
Linking Words
, in my opinion, focusing on academics first can benefit
individuals
Use synonyms
 in the workplace.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
discussing
Wrong verb form
discuss
show examples
 the perspective of the
individuals
Use synonyms
 who believe that studying is the best option for a secure future. Higher education often provides specialized
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and skills that are necessary for certain professions,
such
Linking Words
 as medicine, law, and engineering. A university degree can open the door to higher-paying job opportunities,
thus
Linking Words
 offering long-term
career
Use synonyms
 growth. To demonstrate
this
Linking Words
 point, employers value the academic achievements of
individuals
Use synonyms
 more as a sign of dedication, discipline and ability to handle complex subjects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, achieving higher degrees can open more job opportunities and a secure future. Work experience,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, allows
individuals
Use synonyms
 to gain practical
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and a deep understanding of their chosen industry.
This
Linking Words
 can be highly valuable for the industries, as training sessions will be reduced,
thus
Linking Words
 increasing more reliability of employees. In certain industries,
for instance
Linking Words
, a plumber, a mechanic, and a construction worker, practical experience and networking
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 given more value than theoretical
knowledge
Use synonyms
 in a particular field.
Moreover
Linking Words
, starting work right after school can lead to quicker financial independence.
Thus
Linking Words
, leading to faster
career
Use synonyms
 development.
To conclude
Linking Words
, practical
knowledge
Use synonyms
 is more valuable in certain fields, and it fosters independence and faster
career
Use synonyms
 growth;
however
Linking Words
, the benefits of achieving higher education cannot be unseen, as it opens the path to more advanced development and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy living.

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments, especially when discussing the benefits of higher education and work experience.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next; consider using more linking words or phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
While your points are clear, try to elaborate more on your own opinion in the conclusion to strengthen your overall argument.
content
You've addressed both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
structure
Your introduction clearly states the topic and lays the foundation for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized knowledge
  • positions of responsibility
  • career growth
  • academic achievements
  • dedication
  • discipline
  • practical skills
  • industry
  • financial independence
  • on-the-job training
  • networking
  • theoretical knowledge
  • higher education
  • career advancement
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