Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones
Nowadays, using
smartphone
is essential for some Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
children
. Therefore
they spend too much time on their smartphones
every day.
First of all, I think there are several reasons for this
problems
. Modern young Fix the agreement mistake
problem
kids
have started to use smartphones
since they are
babies. So, spending hours on Wrong verb form
were
smartphones
is normal and habit
for them. Correct article usage
a habit
For example
, many parents
let children
use smartphones
to keep them quiet,
because Remove the comma
apply
parents
have many house jobs. In order to focus on the
jobs, Change the word
their
parents
give smarphones
to their Correct your spelling
smartphones
kids
. Especially if kids
make noise outside, they bother everyone, so many children
use smartphones
outside such
as shopping. However
, letting children
spend hours on smartphones
has negative affects
Correct your spelling
effects
to
them. It leads to bad for their health. In the past, Change preposition
on
children
used to play outside with their friends since they had nothing to do. Therefore
they could make their bodies make
strong by moving bodies Verb problem
apply
everyday
emotionally and Correct your spelling
every day
psysically
. Correct your spelling
physically
However
, recent kids
tend to stay at home playing on their phone
with their friends. Fix the agreement mistake
phones
In addition
, many children
are struggling with addiction. They can't
ever do their homework because they can't
focus on studying also
they can't
control themselves. I think they don't
know how to live without smartphones
.
To sum up
, many kids
are addicted to using smartphones
and it causes health problems. Parents
try to solve this
problem, however
they can'Add a comma
however,
t
control them. I think educators should teach the risks of using smartphones
in class, then
prevent Correct word choice
and then
kids
from being addicted.Submitted by 0527.hibiki on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more logical and coherent manner.
lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and use it accurately.
grammatical range and accuracy
Make sure to use appropriate grammar structures consistently.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion