Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones

#children #hours #smartphones

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Nowadays, using

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

is essential for some

children

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

they spend too much time on their

smartphones

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every day. First of all, I think there are several reasons for

this

Linking Words

problems

Fix the agreement mistake

problem

show examples

. Modern young

kids

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have started to use

smartphones

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since they

are

Wrong verb form

were

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babies. So, spending hours on

smartphones

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is normal and

habit

Correct article usage

a habit

show examples

for them.

For example

Linking Words

, many

parents

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let

children

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use

smartphones

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to keep them quiet

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apply

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because

parents

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have many house jobs. In order to focus on

the

Change the word

their

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jobs,

parents

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give

smarphones

Correct your spelling

smartphones

to their

kids

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. Especially if

kids

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make noise outside, they bother everyone, so many

children

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use

smartphones

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outside

such

Linking Words

as shopping.

However

Linking Words

, letting

children

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spend hours on

smartphones

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has negative

affects

Correct your spelling

effects

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

them. It leads to bad for their health. In the past,

children

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used to play outside with their friends since they had nothing to do.

Therefore

Linking Words

they could make their bodies

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

strong by moving bodies

everyday

Correct your spelling

every day

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emotionally and

psysically

Correct your spelling

physically

However

Linking Words

, recent

kids

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tend to stay at home playing on their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

with their friends.

In addition

Linking Words

, many

children

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are struggling with addiction. They can'

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ever do their homework because they can'

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focus on studying

also

Linking Words

they can'

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control themselves. I think they don'

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know how to live without

smartphones

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To sum up

Linking Words

, many

kids

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are addicted to using

smartphones

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and it causes health problems.

Parents

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try to solve

this

Linking Words

problem,

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

they can'

Use synonyms

control them. I think educators should teach the risks of using

smartphones

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in class,

Linking Words

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

prevent

kids

Use synonyms

from being addicted.

Submitted by 0527.hibiki on Thu Oct 12 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Organize your ideas in a more logical and coherent manner.

lexical resource

Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and use it accurately.

grammatical range and accuracy

Make sure to use appropriate grammar structures consistently.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

248 words

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this a positive or negative thing?

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advanages and disadvantages of gibing children this message?

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries, they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?